Why I Am Submissive

I frequently get asked why I am submissive. What attracts me to the mentality of being a submissive woman in a world full of feminists. How someone who is 2/3 of the way to being an attorney interested in criminal prosecution could kneel before someone and hand over power willingly.

Throughout my life I’ve contemplated this quite often. It’s something I’ve mulled over and spent way too many hours deep in my head about. I’ve certainly attempted life as a dominant woman, but have always ventured back to the safe world of submission. Dominance is like a pair of painful heels to me – beautiful to look at and have on for awhile, but in the end I end up in what is comfortable. I just don’t see myself being dominant for any long term period. It doesn’t come naturally for me.

Submission, on the other hand, comes quite naturally. Whether from nature or nurture (a debate I’m not going to even attempt here), I am submissive and there is no way around that.

When I am submissive, I go into this headspace. People often call it “subspace” but I don’t think it’s so easily defined. It is more than a mental place. It is an entire way of being. It is putting your trust in your dominant that they will care for you and look out for your well being. It is allowing them to control you within the boundaries that you have set up beforehand. Being submissive doesn’t mean giving up control completely. It means giving up what you deem not important. For me, I cannot give up some things and those things are explained when I get into any type of dominant/submissive situation. I’ve often been told the submissive is the one who controls the true power in the dominant/submissive relationship. That’s quite the interesting statement and one I actually believe.

For it is the submissive who consents to be dominated. Whether you play with a safeword (always recommended) or feel comfortable enough to not have one, it is the submissive who is there of their own free will. True non-consensual situations are not d/s. They are rape, slavery or otherwise imprisonment. The submissive enters the relationship willingly and in the same vein willingly relinquishes power.

So why am I submissive? Because by relinquishing that power, I can truly be free.

I previously mentioned I spend too much time in my own head. I overanalyze and overthink. I get moody and bitchy. But when I’m in the submissive role, I don’t have those problems. I exist for one reason – to serve my dominant and make them happy. My own needs, desires and worries fall away. Nothing else matters except for their wishes. I don’t have to think any more. As someone who is often called upon to think about some very difficult topics in my professional life, this is simply liberating. My mind can shut down and I can follow the direction of my dominant with the trust that they will keep me safe and attend to my needs, whether physical, emotional or spiritual.

Submission, especially physical submissive, is incredibly cleansing for me. It is like I’ve been washed inside and out and come out squeaky clean. It’s like the ultimate kind of therapy. I’ve also compared it to dialysis for kidney disease patients. It keeps me functional. It sets me on the right course and helps me deal with my day to day life of difficulties. I feel more centered and capable. Like I can take on any task and know that I have the confidence to successfully complete it.

Not every submissive has the same reasons for being submissive. I’ve talked to many in my time exploring my own sexuality and likely will talk to countless more. I find though my own personal reasons are somewhat common in the general population of submissives out there. We do it to stay healthy. It’s a mental aid in keeping us on the right path.

For my dominant side to come out in my professional life, I will always need my submissive side to exist. There will always be a great need to find strength in relinquishing power to one who knows best for me.

So what is submission for me? Above all else, submission is the path I am meant to follow.

3 thoughts on “Why I Am Submissive

  1. Britni TheVadgeWig

    What attracts me to the mentality of being a submissive woman in a world full of feminists.

    Why do they have to be mutually exclusive? I know plenty of feminists, including myself, that are submissive.

  2. Isabel0329

    I don’t necessarily think they are mutually exclusive. In fact, to me submission is the ultimate in feminism. I control my own fate and destiny and it is my choice whether I want to submit to a particular individual or not. Nobody is forcing me. I am the one who holds the key to that choice.

  3. Sarah/Enid

    I wonder if the “feminism” question comes up as frequently in same-sex BDSM relationships. I consider myself an out-and-proud, don’t-wanna-change-my-last-name, keep-your-theology-off-my-biology pagan feminist, and happen to be in a loving long-term relationship with a man, but my primary BDSM relationship at the moment is with a woman.

    The idea of female subs being “antifeminist” has never really occurred to me, even when I engage in BDSM with my boyfriend. I could see in certain circles how it would force me to conform to some of those good ol’ 1950’s gender stereotypes (French maid uniform, anyone?), but those stereotypes are only negative if we let them impact our minds–if we’re doing housework because it’s all we can do, because we’re “supposed” to, because it’s What God Intended (bum bum buuuuum!), that’s antifeminist.

    In my experience, none of that stuff enters into the equation when I’m well and truly in the submissive headspace. “Slave” is gender-neutral.


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