Review: The New Romantix

The New Romantix

I have pretty high standards when it comes to porn. I’ll admit that right at the start of this. I’ve been watching porn for about a decade now and things I would have let slip by me five years ago now really irritate me.

One thing I love seeing in porn? Women with natural boobs, tattoos and no fake nails. Women who take control of their own sexuality and aren’t afraid to grab life by the balls and take what they want. Female empowerment, if you will.

That’s one of the reasons I was so excited to check out The New Romantix, a Max Royale production sold through Babeland. I  mean come on! It’s cover has James Deen and Joanna Angel on it! They’re two of my favorite porn stars! There’s very little that James Deen can do wrong in my eyes.

Throughout the movie, Royale profiles “6 beautiful, intelligent, funny and amazing women on their passionate quest for sexual liberation and empowerment.” Sounds like it would be right up my alley then, right? Sigh. I wish it had been. This movie held so much promise and fell so short on what it promised to deliver.

Before we get into the things I liked and didn’t like, here’s the trailer for The New Romantix.


Now onto my good things and bad things. Let’s start off with the good things.

1. The girls didn’t look like your average porn stars. Yes, some of the “average” porn stars are hot. But for me a majority of them are not. I don’t like the look of 95% of augmented breasts. Plus I have a thing that porn gives girls and guys an unrealistic body image of what women should look like. We’re not all 5’10, 100 pounds and have 40DD boobs. That’s just not natural. The women in this movie have small breasts, tattoos and piercings. They’re pretty in a downtown chic kind of way. You’d expect to find them at a punk/techno/funk club moreso than on a porn set or dancing at the local strip club.

2. James Deen. Like I said, he can do no wrong in my eyes. He’s just plain fucking hot. I have a thing for skinny dudes who fuck like bunnies and he certainly fits the bill. He can be dominant in the most awesome way or back off and just be a sexual partner. He’s in two scenes in this porn and they are by far the best scenes.

3. The women are clearly enjoying themselves and not faking. Ugh, I hate when women in porn are obviously acting. “Oooh oooh, fuck me! Fuck me!” *insert eye roll here* Not everything needs to be verbalized for it to be sexy. Sometimes the best thing a woman can do in porn is to get her full body into it and really focus. Really make it seem like she’s enjoying having sex and isn’t just there for the paycheck. I won’t even start on women who do lesbian scenes but you can tell are only there for the money and not the other girl. Royale has selected women here to genuinely love sex and love showing off having sex. They are exhibitionists in every sense of the word and I really like that as an exhibitionist myself.

Okay, I really tried to come up with more, but I just couldn’t. So I guess I have to get straight to the bad things about The New Romantix.

1. It just feels low budget and low quality. I know porn doesn’t have the kind of budgets that mainstream motion pictures do, but yeesh at least make the film quality good. The movie cover says it’s shot in high definition but I couldn’t see evidence of it. Maybe somewhere hidden on the two disks I received are secret versions of the movie shot with crystal clarity, but the version I watched definitely wasn’t. It appeared washed out on my screen. Like someone turned down the contrast during editing. To top it off it was grainy too. I swear that a few places it skipped too. Not exactly what you call the best quality in porn.

2. The sound quality was atrocious. Without touching on the completely shitty music, I’ll just touch on the sound quality here. The sound, just like the video quality, was washed out. Whoever mixed the sound should be smacked upside the head. One of the things I like in porn is the sounds of real arousal and real fucking, not dimmed noises drowned out by a soundtrack that didn’t fit with a given scene. Each actual sex scene is preceded by an interview of the female the scene focuses on and those were just fine, sound quality wise, so why couldn’t the actual sex scenes be the same way?

3. Music – egad! Some of the music is great. I love it. The songs are edgy and definitely not your soft-core typical porn soundtrack. Okay that’s great. BUT … the songs should match the mood of the scene and not overpower it. Some of the music clearly doesn’t fit the theme and mood of the scene and it just throws you out of the moment. I get that they were excited to get some of these songs on the soundtrack, but at least make the fit the scene instead of work against it.

4. For a movie that proclaims female sexual liberation, there’s no lesbian scenes. I understand this isn’t marketed as a heterosexual or homosexual porn, but when a film proclaims itself to be “sex positive” on the front of the box, I would think it would at least include some alternatives besides heterosexual sex. Yes there are MFF scenes, but beyond kissing and maybe some nipple sucking, I didn’t see much interaction between the women. As someone who likes all genders, it’s nice to see options presented in porn.

5. A constant presence of the “Max Royale” logo on screen throughout. What am I watching? Content from the internet? Geeze, if you pay for a freaking DVD you should at least get logo free porn.

So what’s my final verdict on The New Romantix, available at Babeland? Ehhhh, I’m not sure I’d watch it if it wasn’t for James Deen and Joanna Angel. If you like those two, it’s maybe worth taking a look at, but overall I don’t think it’s worth it. Production just seemed so haphazard and thrown together that I really couldn’t get into it. The interviews before each scene seemed to bear little relation to the actual scenes. The girls are cute, but you could find similarly cute girls in many other better quality porns. The music totally ruins the mood of most scenes by blocking out the good sex noises I would have preferred to listen. The video is washed out and the sound isn’t good either. I had such high hopes for this porn and nearly every one of them with the exception of James Deen was thrown out the window. 

One thought on “Review: The New Romantix

  1. Epiphora

    Completely spot-on, although I can’t say I even liked ANY of the music. But I prefer my porn to be completely music-free most of the time. You are right, James Deen’s scenes are the only redeeming ones, but even then, they are ruined by music.

    Reply

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