Review: Spareparts Theo Harness

Spareparts Theo (L) and Joque (R)

I love harnesses. End of story. Harnesses are hot. Harnesses are sexy. The ability to change genders, change equipment and change the way you have sex? Yes please! I’ve tried everything from the top of the line down to the bottom of the line when it comes to harnesses. But Spareparts harnesses? Well, that’s like comparing a Cadillac to a Pinto.

In my adventures in strap-on play, I have learned there is absolutely nothing on the market like a Spareparts harness. They are in a class of their own. When Spareparts offered me the chance to try out the Theo harness, I just about jumped through the roof. I absolutely am in love with my Joque harness and have had my eyes on the Theo for a long time as well. So how did the two compare?

While Theo has its upsides, I think I’ll stick with the Joque quite frankly. Let’s start at the top and see if I can persuade you why. All pictures in this review are click-able for larger pictures if you can’t see things clearly.

Spareparts Theo harness front view. Notice no jock strap-style straps.

The Theo harness is not like most strap-on harnesses. Most harnesses are a two strap, jock strap style harness. There’s a front portion that sits on the pubic mound and has the O-ring that holds the actual dildo. There’s a waistband and there’s two straps that go around the back, like a mens’ jock strap for sports would. I really like the feel of the straps hitting my butt crease (as I call it) but it does get a bit awkward, so I thought Theo would be a nice change. Theo is more situated like a thong style harness. 

(Top) The adjustable snaps on the crotch
(Bottom) Back Velcro-ed pocket

 The part that goes between your legs is highly adjustable. There are ten different snaps for the crotch strap, meaning it will fit people with short torsos to long torsos. This is a really great feature because for me, I rarely find that wearables fit me height wise in this area. I’m a very tiny woman and have an incredibly short torso. If you need this particularly short, the extra floppy tab will slip under a piece of stretchy fabric on the t-back portion of back piece. Additionally in the back, there is also a Velcro closure pocket that is approximately the size and shape of a condom. I’ve seen promotional pictures that would suggest this is one of the reasons it was designed like this. Not sure I’d actually put a condom here as I have other places to store them on my person, but if you’re lacking for a place, I guess it would be useful. You could also store a little mini vibe here for easy hands free storage, but it won’t do you much good as stimulation. Speaking of which, you can use this harness in water, but don’t use a vibe with it that’s not waterproof as well.

The waistband can be made huge!

The best thing I feel about all Spareparts harnesses is the overall adjustability of them. The crotch piece goes bigger or smaller. The waistband has Velcro closure tabs almost on either side, allowing the waistband to adjust from 20″ to 50″ based on how wide your hips are. The Theo Large adjusts from a 35″ to 65″ waist size. These harnesses will fit just about 95% of the population. Additionally you can pull extra tightening straps on the side to make things a little snugger once you’ve secured your Velcro waist tabs, which can be a bit cumbersome and awkward. My method I’ve established is to fold one side in and hold it in with a hand and use my free hand to press the hook side of the Velcro down onto the loop (soft side). Repeat on the other side for a snug fit. It takes a few practice runs and some twisting at the waist to really get the system down. You’ll get it eventually.

Foldover pouch

The front pouch of all Spareparts harnesses is really unique. It’s a fold over pouch that allows you to use traditional flat base dildos as well as double dildos. The O-ring is covered in fabric, so there’s no need to worry about if it’s metal or silicone and something rubbing against or interacting with your dildos. The downside to it being covered in fabric is that it’s rather awkward to insert your dildos through the hole. You have to stretch and work the O-ring down over the dildo. It stretches pretty well and will accommodate a variety of sizes, but you have to tug at it. I usually use my Vixen Creations Mistress (a more slender dildo) but it also fits my Fun Factory Magnum (a girthier dildo) as well.

Front O-ring will fit a Fun Factory Magnum dild

All Spareparts harnesses come in a stretchy protective traveling back which doubles as a storage bag. It keeps things off your harness and keeps your harness from snagging on anything. This harness is completely washable, which is something I love compared with other harnesses. My leather harnesses are nice, but ultimately how are you going to clean them? This stretchy Lycra material can be handwashed with mild detergent or thrown in your washing machine with the rest of your clothes (but probably not your delicates thanks to the Velcro.) Get body fluids on it? Just wash it. Not so with other harnesses.

You can use water or sillicone-based lubricants with Theo’s material, but I’d stay away from oil-based as they’ll stain the material. You can even use these harnesses in wet environments because there’s no danger to any of the parts. It’s just material and Velcro. 

Theo’s padded back piece

So why would I stick with my Joque? It’s hard to really nail down for me, but wearing this kind of felt like I was wearing a puffy diaper. The back portion that sits against your back is really padded thick and while that is good for comfort, it also adds bulk compared to Joque’s open back thanks to the two strap design. The design of my Stockroom Femme harness has a padded back piece, but given that the Femme is leather, the back piece isn’t as bulky. I’m sure there’s some way to take down the bulkiness of the padding while still maintaining the comfort feature that I can tell Spareparts has tried to integrate here.

Weird side loop

There’s this random side loop that sticks out. I have absolutely no idea why this is on there. You can unsnap it and take it off, but frankly why put it on there? It’s not big enough to look a “back up” dildo through and unless you’re looking for a finger hold (in which case why not put one on the other side as well?) it just adds bulk and if you’re wearing this harness under clothing will definitely show. Who wants a random lump on the side of their hips unless they’re packing something fun?

The O-ring that isn’t interchangeable has always been a sore spot for me and Spareparts. I love the overall design of the crotch piece, but the O-ring just … it’s cumbersome to use. The adjustability of the strap that goes between your legs is awesome, but it is thick and really makes you feel like you’re waddling around with a load between your legs and I’m not talking about a good load.

Theo’s front logo

Spareparts recently redesigned their harnesses to include better snaps and hardwear. It also redid the front logo portion from a huge white sewed on patch to printing the logo right on the waistband. Other than that, I can’t really tell much of a difference between the aesthetics of the old style Joque compared to the new style Theo.

Having the option between using the Joque or the Theo, I’d probably pick the Joque. There’s less bulk and makes me feel less like I took a dump in my pants. Not having the bulky back piece really helps to minimize weight as well. Just comparing the two by holding them, Theo feels weightier. There may not be much of a difference overall, but the extra fabric and padding mentally makes it feel heavier.

Is there a time and a place for Theo compared with Joque? Of course. Those who don’t like two strap-style harnesses have the option of a well made, easy to clean, highly adjustable harness now. Everything in Spareparts’s line is beyond brilliant, but I would suggest taking a little of the bulk out of Theo and it would be my ideal harness.

One thought on “Review: Spareparts Theo Harness

  1. Nicky

    Great review…especially since it makes it want my Joque even more! It’s on it’s way!! I think I would prefer it over the Theo as well, as I prefer two straps over the thong looking style.

    I have to say I am a bit shocked by this review..I figured you’d add photos of yourself wearing the harness to give your readers a better idea of what it looks like! 😉


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *