Review: Seven Minutes in Heaven Vol. 2

Porn, much like human bodies, comes in all shapes and sizes. Having spent the last almost decade watching porn of all types, I’ve developed quite a discerning taste for what I like. Unnatural looking bodies, condom-free sex, male jewelry, hair scrunchies and faked female orgasms are just a few of the things on my list that make me press the “stop” button. A dude spewing his jizz all over a girl’s face is another. Ugh.

Having done extensive “research” on the subject, my recent trend in my porn watching habits is quite simple – real people, with real bodies, having real sex. Seven Minutes in Heaven 2: Tender Hearted sold at Babeland, quite possibly the most queer and gender-friendly sex store out there. The fact that it was nominated for a 2010 Feminist Porn Award tells you what caliber of work it is. It also tells you something I would like to impress upon my readers. Pornography and feminism are not incompatible concepts. To be truly liberated as a woman, it is important to enjoy your body and be in touch with it, whether that’s through sexual activity of some kind or not.

If you’re looking for plastic-fantastic, blond Barbies in your porn, look elsewhere. This is not the movie for you. Hell, this isn’t the movie for everybody in fact. For some, it might be too much. But like Goldilocks and Baby Bear’s porridge, it was just right for me. There are real people in this movie. Only one person that appeared on screen was someone I even recognized and she didn’t take her clothes off!

The basic concept of Seven Minutes in Heaven 2 is this – throw a bunch of hot, gender-bending people into an apartment with great sex toys, all the safe sex protection you could ever dream of, and let them go to town. Paired off by a basic “spin the bottle” of sorts, couples and eventually threesomes do what hot people do best. They have great, hot, real sex. I couldn’t tell who was what gender and honestly that was part of the appeal. In the end, it doesn’t really matter. Sure, if your Tab A doesn’t fit into another’s Slot B it’s a bit of a setback, but just strap on a fake cock and go to town. Some of my favorite toys ever make appearances in this movie. Some of my most recommended toys make appearances in this movie.

One thing that really got my attention and sealed my stamp of approval for this porn was the fact that I don’t think I can recall a porn with more safe sex examples. From black nitrile gloves to condoms over vibrators and even a demonstration of how to make a dental dam in a rush, my inner germaphobe and safe sex advocate rejoiced. In a day and age where AIDS and HIV has not been eradicated and only continued to proliferate, it’s important to show positive examples of safe sex. Using a condom or dental damn doesn’t decrease sensation. In my mind, using them shows your sexual partner that you care enough about them to make sure both them and you stay safe, regardless of health status. And to me, that’s just plain sexy. Caring is sexy.

Genders blend as couples get down and dirty in this movie. Fingers and tongues explore. Interesting locations make for interesting sex. I mean, I never would have thought of a clawfoot tub as a particular sexy location for sex in the positions shown in this movie, but now I don’t think I’ll look at one the same now. There’s no black or white when it comes to race here either. Everybody is sexy. Everybody gets action. While I do have some of the actors I preferred (the sexy Latina girl in the opening scene was freaking HOT!) they were all interesting and enjoyable to watch.

Want a preview? This is just an example and a quick scene of the actors playing “spin the bottle” to get things started.

See what I mean? Hotness. Want more of a taste? Here’s the trailer as found on director Courtney Trouble’s website. Follow the link to her website for more pictures taken on set during filming.

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So overall did I enjoy Seven Minutes in Heaven 2: Tender Hearted sold at Definitely. Is it a porn for everybody? No. The person who enjoys this movie will have an open mind, a love of safe sex and a soft spot for human bodies, no matter the color, shape, gender or orientation. Sex comes in all shapes, colors, sizes and appearances. My only gripe? Sorry, everybody. I just can’t do that much genital hair. A sad reality, but a true one. That little fact alone stuck in my heel like a bad glass sliver you can’t tweeze out and unfortunately prevented me from really getting into this porn.

As to Courtney Trouble and her brand of “gonzo” porn (which seems to me to be more like real porn)? I’m glad there’s someone out there making movies with real people having real sex in a real way. We’re not all porn stars and we’re all interested in things beyond our normal experiences.  Porn should reflect that as best it can. This movie certainly does.

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