Review: Bikini Harness by Sportsheets

Spareparts Bikini Harness

“Hold on, honey. Take a breather while I adjust my crotch strap.” Wait, what? Okay, so that exchange never happened, but it sure could. At least with this harness.

The Sportsheets Bikini Harness sold at Fascinations Fun is a nifty different style for a strap-on harness. I also own a Latigo Leather harness (also by Sportsheets) and a Spareparts Joque harness for strap-on delights. Admittedly I haven’t used any of them to have sex yet, but in my mind there’s something to be said about always being prepared. Can you tell I was a Girl Scout? Plus there’s little that’s sexier for me than putting on my cock and just playing with it.

First off, I’d like to say how much I love Fascinations. Seriously. They have some of the coolest stuff, the best prices and the best discounts (for you thrifty sex toy users!) When I receive packages, they’re packed with care and arrive super quickly. If you haven’t checked out Fascinations yet, you’re definitely missing out.

Okay, enough pining over a sex toy company. Back to the actual harness. This harness is a bikini style harness as compared to a two strap harness. Wearing this harness is like wearing one big (heavy) g-string. Wearing a two strap harness like my Latigo or Joque is like wearing a … well, jock strap. There’s two straps that go from the crotch section to the back of the harness and those straps cut under your butt cheeks. Now us ladies (or other users of harnesses) can get a feel for what it’s like to play football, minus the padding and 300 pound defensive ends slamming into us. Personally, I like the feel of a two strap harness. They feel more secure. I can see how they’d be cumbersome to wear around as a packing harness and that’s where I like the idea of bikini style harness like this one. Heck, I don’t think you’d even have to wear undies.

Modeling the Bikini Harness over jeans.

Given that this is practically a g-string, the straps on this are going to be fairly slim. For me to feel secure with this on, I had to tighten the straps by pulling on the loose tab in the back (rather difficult when wearing) to the point that I had a bit of a muffin top spillover. Hence why you are not seeing me in this harness – I wasn’t too thrilled about the rollover action I was getting. Going back to the strap tightening, this is where I found the biggest flaw in the harness. It’s really difficult to adjust when you’re wearing it. You have to reach around back and pull the straps in a way that is not easy to do. Especially the crotch strap. You pull downward to tighten it. That being said, if you have really long, limber arms I doubt this would be a problem. It would also not be much of a problem if your partner would do it for you. Having no partner to help me and short arms, I kind of rotated my torso just so and sorta pulled as best I could. The straps are connected in the back by a rather heavy metal O-ring and I giggle when I wear it cause it’s like having a target on my ass.

The crotch panel of the harness is actually really nice. It’s made of soft padded fabric and is really comfortable. The O-ring that holds the dildo (in this case the included silicone dildo … more on that later!)  is sewn into the actual lining of the panel. There’s no changing it out for larger, thicker dildos. Not a huge deal but when I started trying other dildos in this harness, anything thicker than the included dildo wouldn’t fit that well. As it is the dildo that comes with this is a fairly snug fit. The dildo sits against your pubic bone because there’s no backing to the panel. It’s not a huge deal but I can see vigorous sex perhaps causing some chafing to occur when silicone dildo rubs against skin.

Detail of the crotch panel and dildo when worn over jeans. Notice how the dildo sits against your skin rather than against a panel. 

I did like that you can possibly launder this harness if you do it on the gentle cycle and if you throw it in with other clothes. Remember that the metal O-ring on the back is rather large and it’ll knock around against the inside of your washing machine if you won’t pad the machine with other clothes. Another alternative if you don’t want to risk that is washing this by hand, which I would think would be preferable and least risky in terms of ruined appliances.

Can we talk about the dildo now? Yes! Yes, we can talk about the dildo now. I freaking love this dildo. I’ve been less than thrilled before when toys are included in sets, mostly because there’s always a weak link. One of the pieces will inevitably be crappy. I was expecting this dildo to be sub par and end up on my throw-away pile. Oh hell no. I love this dildo. First off, it’s pure silicone. Like my other much-loved and adored Tantus and Fun Factory dildos. I’m talking perfect quality silicone that is purple, shimmery and just the right curve. The head of the dildo is slightly bulbous and the shaft is curved nicely to aid in g-spot stimulation. And boy howdy, it stimulated my g-spot. It’s juuuuuust thick enough for me to enjoy while not being overly thick. Like I said before, thicker dildos didn’t fit in the sewn-in O-ring on the harness panel so this dildo is medium sized in thickness.

Compared with my two strap harnesses, I really love this bikini style harness. The Spareparts Bikini Harness sold at Fascinations Fun is fun to wear, sexy to look at, and comes with a great body-safe silicone dildo. I wish the straps were easier to adjust, but I can overlook that and remember to do more yoga so I can be more flexible. The included dildo is fantastic and I hope to use this for sexy times when the time is right. There’s a place inside everybody where you just want to sit around a stroke a cock all day, and this is how I do it. Strap on and stroke up.

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