Lately I’ve been realizing something rather surprising about myself. For years I thought I was the most monogamous person I knew. I craved being in a relationship. I craved the security and the companionship. The love and knowledge that there was one person focusing on me as much as I was focusing on them.
It’s taken events both started by me and started by situations beyond my control for me to realize perhaps I had that wrong. I am beginning to doubt that I am a ubiquitously monogamous person. While I’m not saying I am poly yet, I do think there is a place for that kind of exploration and enjoyment in my life.
Perhaps it’s the attention whore side of me but I like when there are multiple people vying for my attention. I like being involved (whether platonically or romantically) with multiple people. I think for the moment I am what a good friend has termed “polyfuckerous.” I like to fuck multiple people. I like having options and I like having different cocks inside me. Strange thing to say, but everybody is different. Every guy has a different method of romancing a woman.
I’m still exploring this side of me and certainly still learning about how to make it work in a practical setting where all involved don’t get hurt. Where I don’t get hurt. As a good friend told me, “protect your heart.” I’m going to have to learn to build those walls again that took me so long to get rid of. Placing people into categories and in boxes knowing how much or how little they can be to me.
Much like everything else in life, this is a learning experience. One that I think will take many years until I find the right balance of right, wrong and the fun gray in between.