Category Archives: strap-on

Review: Spareparts Theo Harness

Spareparts Theo (L) and Joque (R)

I love harnesses. End of story. Harnesses are hot. Harnesses are sexy. The ability to change genders, change equipment and change the way you have sex? Yes please! I’ve tried everything from the top of the line down to the bottom of the line when it comes to harnesses. But Spareparts harnesses? Well, that’s like comparing a Cadillac to a Pinto.

In my adventures in strap-on play, I have learned there is absolutely nothing on the market like a Spareparts harness. They are in a class of their own. When Spareparts offered me the chance to try out the Theo harness, I just about jumped through the roof. I absolutely am in love with my Joque harness and have had my eyes on the Theo for a long time as well. So how did the two compare?

While Theo has its upsides, I think I’ll stick with the Joque quite frankly. Let’s start at the top and see if I can persuade you why. All pictures in this review are click-able for larger pictures if you can’t see things clearly.

Spareparts Theo harness front view. Notice no jock strap-style straps.

The Theo harness is not like most strap-on harnesses. Most harnesses are a two strap, jock strap style harness. There’s a front portion that sits on the pubic mound and has the O-ring that holds the actual dildo. There’s a waistband and there’s two straps that go around the back, like a mens’ jock strap for sports would. I really like the feel of the straps hitting my butt crease (as I call it) but it does get a bit awkward, so I thought Theo would be a nice change. Theo is more situated like a thong style harness. 

(Top) The adjustable snaps on the crotch
(Bottom) Back Velcro-ed pocket

 The part that goes between your legs is highly adjustable. There are ten different snaps for the crotch strap, meaning it will fit people with short torsos to long torsos. This is a really great feature because for me, I rarely find that wearables fit me height wise in this area. I’m a very tiny woman and have an incredibly short torso. If you need this particularly short, the extra floppy tab will slip under a piece of stretchy fabric on the t-back portion of back piece. Additionally in the back, there is also a Velcro closure pocket that is approximately the size and shape of a condom. I’ve seen promotional pictures that would suggest this is one of the reasons it was designed like this. Not sure I’d actually put a condom here as I have other places to store them on my person, but if you’re lacking for a place, I guess it would be useful. You could also store a little mini vibe here for easy hands free storage, but it won’t do you much good as stimulation. Speaking of which, you can use this harness in water, but don’t use a vibe with it that’s not waterproof as well.


The waistband can be made huge!

The best thing I feel about all Spareparts harnesses is the overall adjustability of them. The crotch piece goes bigger or smaller. The waistband has Velcro closure tabs almost on either side, allowing the waistband to adjust from 20″ to 50″ based on how wide your hips are. The Theo Large adjusts from a 35″ to 65″ waist size. These harnesses will fit just about 95% of the population. Additionally you can pull extra tightening straps on the side to make things a little snugger once you’ve secured your Velcro waist tabs, which can be a bit cumbersome and awkward. My method I’ve established is to fold one side in and hold it in with a hand and use my free hand to press the hook side of the Velcro down onto the loop (soft side). Repeat on the other side for a snug fit. It takes a few practice runs and some twisting at the waist to really get the system down. You’ll get it eventually.

Foldover pouch

The front pouch of all Spareparts harnesses is really unique. It’s a fold over pouch that allows you to use traditional flat base dildos as well as double dildos. The O-ring is covered in fabric, so there’s no need to worry about if it’s metal or silicone and something rubbing against or interacting with your dildos. The downside to it being covered in fabric is that it’s rather awkward to insert your dildos through the hole. You have to stretch and work the O-ring down over the dildo. It stretches pretty well and will accommodate a variety of sizes, but you have to tug at it. I usually use my Vixen Creations Mistress (a more slender dildo) but it also fits my Fun Factory Magnum (a girthier dildo) as well.

Front O-ring will fit a Fun Factory Magnum dild

All Spareparts harnesses come in a stretchy protective traveling back which doubles as a storage bag. It keeps things off your harness and keeps your harness from snagging on anything. This harness is completely washable, which is something I love compared with other harnesses. My leather harnesses are nice, but ultimately how are you going to clean them? This stretchy Lycra material can be handwashed with mild detergent or thrown in your washing machine with the rest of your clothes (but probably not your delicates thanks to the Velcro.) Get body fluids on it? Just wash it. Not so with other harnesses.

You can use water or sillicone-based lubricants with Theo’s material, but I’d stay away from oil-based as they’ll stain the material. You can even use these harnesses in wet environments because there’s no danger to any of the parts. It’s just material and Velcro. 

Theo’s padded back piece

So why would I stick with my Joque? It’s hard to really nail down for me, but wearing this kind of felt like I was wearing a puffy diaper. The back portion that sits against your back is really padded thick and while that is good for comfort, it also adds bulk compared to Joque’s open back thanks to the two strap design. The design of my Stockroom Femme harness has a padded back piece, but given that the Femme is leather, the back piece isn’t as bulky. I’m sure there’s some way to take down the bulkiness of the padding while still maintaining the comfort feature that I can tell Spareparts has tried to integrate here.

Weird side loop

There’s this random side loop that sticks out. I have absolutely no idea why this is on there. You can unsnap it and take it off, but frankly why put it on there? It’s not big enough to look a “back up” dildo through and unless you’re looking for a finger hold (in which case why not put one on the other side as well?) it just adds bulk and if you’re wearing this harness under clothing will definitely show. Who wants a random lump on the side of their hips unless they’re packing something fun?

The O-ring that isn’t interchangeable has always been a sore spot for me and Spareparts. I love the overall design of the crotch piece, but the O-ring just … it’s cumbersome to use. The adjustability of the strap that goes between your legs is awesome, but it is thick and really makes you feel like you’re waddling around with a load between your legs and I’m not talking about a good load.

Theo’s front logo

Spareparts recently redesigned their harnesses to include better snaps and hardwear. It also redid the front logo portion from a huge white sewed on patch to printing the logo right on the waistband. Other than that, I can’t really tell much of a difference between the aesthetics of the old style Joque compared to the new style Theo.

Having the option between using the Joque or the Theo, I’d probably pick the Joque. There’s less bulk and makes me feel less like I took a dump in my pants. Not having the bulky back piece really helps to minimize weight as well. Just comparing the two by holding them, Theo feels weightier. There may not be much of a difference overall, but the extra fabric and padding mentally makes it feel heavier.

Is there a time and a place for Theo compared with Joque? Of course. Those who don’t like two strap-style harnesses have the option of a well made, easy to clean, highly adjustable harness now. Everything in Spareparts’s line is beyond brilliant, but I would suggest taking a little of the bulk out of Theo and it would be my ideal harness.

Review: Bikini Harness by Sportsheets

Spareparts Bikini Harness

“Hold on, honey. Take a breather while I adjust my crotch strap.” Wait, what? Okay, so that exchange never happened, but it sure could. At least with this harness.

The Sportsheets Bikini Harness sold at Fascinations Fun is a nifty different style for a strap-on harness. I also own a Latigo Leather harness (also by Sportsheets) and a Spareparts Joque harness for strap-on delights. Admittedly I haven’t used any of them to have sex yet, but in my mind there’s something to be said about always being prepared. Can you tell I was a Girl Scout? Plus there’s little that’s sexier for me than putting on my cock and just playing with it.

First off, I’d like to say how much I love Fascinations. Seriously. They have some of the coolest stuff, the best prices and the best discounts (for you thrifty sex toy users!) When I receive packages, they’re packed with care and arrive super quickly. If you haven’t checked out Fascinations yet, you’re definitely missing out.

Okay, enough pining over a sex toy company. Back to the actual harness. This harness is a bikini style harness as compared to a two strap harness. Wearing this harness is like wearing one big (heavy) g-string. Wearing a two strap harness like my Latigo or Joque is like wearing a … well, jock strap. There’s two straps that go from the crotch section to the back of the harness and those straps cut under your butt cheeks. Now us ladies (or other users of harnesses) can get a feel for what it’s like to play football, minus the padding and 300 pound defensive ends slamming into us. Personally, I like the feel of a two strap harness. They feel more secure. I can see how they’d be cumbersome to wear around as a packing harness and that’s where I like the idea of bikini style harness like this one. Heck, I don’t think you’d even have to wear undies.

Modeling the Bikini Harness over jeans.

Given that this is practically a g-string, the straps on this are going to be fairly slim. For me to feel secure with this on, I had to tighten the straps by pulling on the loose tab in the back (rather difficult when wearing) to the point that I had a bit of a muffin top spillover. Hence why you are not seeing me in this harness – I wasn’t too thrilled about the rollover action I was getting. Going back to the strap tightening, this is where I found the biggest flaw in the harness. It’s really difficult to adjust when you’re wearing it. You have to reach around back and pull the straps in a way that is not easy to do. Especially the crotch strap. You pull downward to tighten it. That being said, if you have really long, limber arms I doubt this would be a problem. It would also not be much of a problem if your partner would do it for you. Having no partner to help me and short arms, I kind of rotated my torso just so and sorta pulled as best I could. The straps are connected in the back by a rather heavy metal O-ring and I giggle when I wear it cause it’s like having a target on my ass.

The crotch panel of the harness is actually really nice. It’s made of soft padded fabric and is really comfortable. The O-ring that holds the dildo (in this case the included silicone dildo … more on that later!)  is sewn into the actual lining of the panel. There’s no changing it out for larger, thicker dildos. Not a huge deal but when I started trying other dildos in this harness, anything thicker than the included dildo wouldn’t fit that well. As it is the dildo that comes with this is a fairly snug fit. The dildo sits against your pubic bone because there’s no backing to the panel. It’s not a huge deal but I can see vigorous sex perhaps causing some chafing to occur when silicone dildo rubs against skin.

Detail of the crotch panel and dildo when worn over jeans. Notice how the dildo sits against your skin rather than against a panel. 

I did like that you can possibly launder this harness if you do it on the gentle cycle and if you throw it in with other clothes. Remember that the metal O-ring on the back is rather large and it’ll knock around against the inside of your washing machine if you won’t pad the machine with other clothes. Another alternative if you don’t want to risk that is washing this by hand, which I would think would be preferable and least risky in terms of ruined appliances.

Can we talk about the dildo now? Yes! Yes, we can talk about the dildo now. I freaking love this dildo. I’ve been less than thrilled before when toys are included in sets, mostly because there’s always a weak link. One of the pieces will inevitably be crappy. I was expecting this dildo to be sub par and end up on my throw-away pile. Oh hell no. I love this dildo. First off, it’s pure silicone. Like my other much-loved and adored Tantus and Fun Factory dildos. I’m talking perfect quality silicone that is purple, shimmery and just the right curve. The head of the dildo is slightly bulbous and the shaft is curved nicely to aid in g-spot stimulation. And boy howdy, it stimulated my g-spot. It’s juuuuuust thick enough for me to enjoy while not being overly thick. Like I said before, thicker dildos didn’t fit in the sewn-in O-ring on the harness panel so this dildo is medium sized in thickness.

Compared with my two strap harnesses, I really love this bikini style harness. The Spareparts Bikini Harness sold at Fascinations Fun is fun to wear, sexy to look at, and comes with a great body-safe silicone dildo. I wish the straps were easier to adjust, but I can overlook that and remember to do more yoga so I can be more flexible. The included dildo is fantastic and I hope to use this for sexy times when the time is right. There’s a place inside everybody where you just want to sit around a stroke a cock all day, and this is how I do it. Strap on and stroke up.

Review: Soft Pack by Babeland

When I was in fifth grade I went through a period of time when all I wanted to be was a boy. I dressed like a boy, sounded like a boy and did my absolute best to be a boy. Of course fifth grade was also the year I got my period, so that dashed all my dreams of ever being a boy. I accepted the fact I had a vagina and moved on with my life. Being a sheltered child my whole life, I didn’t even understand the concept that a boy had a penis. Well, until they separated the boys from the girls for an hour long video about sex education the same year.

I didn’t get my hands on a cock until I was 22. I kid you not. I was a virgin until 22. Wow, I’ve come along way since then. While I may not have touched a lot of cocks in my day, I certainly know what a cock feels like.

Recently my childhood fantasies about being a boy have come back. I’ve found myself fascinated with the idea of genderbending. I’ve begun lusting after packing cocks and strap-on harnesses.

The Soft Pack from Babeland is quite possibly my favorite of the packing cocks out there. They are made from Real-feel Superskin, a material that feels very skin like and realistic. More on the materials later though. First, let’s talk about what I like about this packing cock.

First off, they come in a variety of sizes. I selected the medium for a good size cock. I already have the Mr. Limpy packing cock from Eden Fantasys so I wanted something a little bigger. The Medium Soft Pack is 5 3/4 inches in length and is quite the floppy cock. I can only imagine how this cock would be if it got hard. Wow, that’s something to imagine! The sizes of these range from the 3 1/2 inch Mini to the massive 7 inch Large. Whether you’re looking for a little bulge under your clothes or a rather sizable one, you’re sure to find something you like in the sizes available for the Soft Pack.

For a size comparison: 
Soft Pack Medium on the left and Mr. Limpy on the right

 Second, the look and feel is very lifelike. It’s squishy and not overly firm. In a kinky way I can act out my CBT (cock and ball torture) fantasies without having to worry about hurting an actual cock. Too much? While clearly the balls don’t have anything in them like real balls do, the balls are nicely sculpted. There is wrinkling and folding where you’d expect it to be. This cock clearly has been circumcised but that doesn’t deter me at all. I love to see the look of a pronounced cock head. The color of this is pretty lifelike as well. It’s a good Caucasian color. As someone who believes in diversity, I wish this came in a variety of skin tones, but as the Babeland product website says, manufacture availability has limited availability to only the Caucasian color. Sigh. Though I will say compared to Mr. Limpy the color is much better. Mr. Limpy is an almost sickening shade of pink. God, if I was that shade of pink I’d worry I had too much carbon dioxide in my blood.

But now … well, for the less positive things.

Let’s be honest. The medium size is freaking huge. It’s quite the dangly thing. I use my packing cocks with my Mr. Right Packing Strap to accommodate the balls and quite frankly the Medium Soft Pack weighs it down. The actual shaft part of the cock is so weighty that it pulls the top part of the flat backside away from the straps that hold the packing cock in place. I worry that too much vigorous movement or even too vigorous walking might snap the shaft clean off the balls. Even sitting on my desk it still lifted up and wanted to lean forward. See?

My biggest gripe? The material this packing cock is made of. Real-feel Superskin is a material designed to be lifelike, but it’s extremely hard to handle, store and care core. When the cock comes to you, it’s in a sealed plastic bag and you can see the inside of the bag is covered in a greasy, almost lube-like material. It kind of smells gross and made my hands feel even grosser. I just felt greasy all over. I tried to wash it away, but that didn’t work. It’s the actual material itself. The material also collects lint and dirt like nothing else. Even sliding my packing cock in the Mr. Right Packing Strap for the first time covered it in little black lint particles all over.

This material cannot be sanitized and is porous. While this packing cock isn’t designed for penetration of any kind, I highly recommend putting a condom on this toy if you want to use it in any kind of situation where bodily fluids could get on it. How do you clean it then? Antibacterial soap and water is best, followed by air drying to prevent more lint catching on it. This material cannot be used with silicone-based lubricants and doing so will melt the material. I’ve previously heard that you can throw a little cornstarch on this and similar materials to keep them in good shape. I didn’t test that but I hope to in the near future.

I honestly have trouble storing this packing cock as well. I get nervous about touching it to silicone toys in case they melt each other. Like I said previously it collects lint. I will probably be storing them in plastic storage bags.

I understand that to make the toy feel as lifelike as possible, it probably needs to be made of this material but I’m hoping that someday another material is developed that doesn’t need as much goop on it to be both manufactured and maintained. The greasy feel alone is enough to turn me off. But I’ll overlook that because I finally have what I wanted in fifth grade.

Even for a few minutes, I can pretend to be a boy.

Find the Soft Pack at  Babeland in prices ranging from $16 for the Mini to $22 for the Large.