Okay, so you’re a dominant person. You see my profile on Fetlife, you follow me on Twitter, or you otherwise have found me through the kinky online community. You notice that I’m single and submissive. This prompts several signals in your head, the best of which I will paraphrase:
- “OMG, ATTACK!”
- “I’ll make her kneel and suck my cock, easy peasy.”
- “Gotta get to her before all the other doms do!”
- “She’s such a whore and I love it! She’ll want to fuck me no questions asked.”
- “I won’t have to work at this one.”
- “All subs are the same. Just demand they call me Sir and they’re in subspace.”
Ugh, do I really need to go through why all of these are wrong? Unfortunately it seems I do. I’ll spare you having me go line by line, but there are some overarching themes I do feel I need to examine and debunk.
1. Just because I am A submissive doesn’t mean I’m YOUR submissive. Until we have some kind of relationship established, I will not bow to you, kneel before you, or call you Sir, Master or any other variation on such a title. Do not treat me as your property when I am clearly not. There is quite the difference in me being of a submissive nature than me being your submissive. When we have some kind of dialogue established where I feel it is appropriate to do these things for you, you’ll know. Otherwise treat me as you would any other woman hopefully – your equal. I don’t appreciate you automatically treating me as lower than you.
2. Titles are earned, not handed out like Halloween candy. Along these same lines, I feel a title is earned. Don’t message me on Fetlife and automatically put your “title” in it. It’s just bad taste I think. People who are good at what they do don’t feel the need to brag about it. Word spreads without their own doing. Titles are something that I don’t apply to people willy nilly. I don’t like when within five minutes of starting to talk to someone they insist on being called “Master [insert name here]” or “Sir [fucktarded name there].” I will call you your name until you have earned your title. Don’t be offended when I do this because I do this with everybody. It is not me disrespecting you; it is simply a recognition that I don’t know you well enough to confirm the status you have so graciously applied to yourself.
3. If you want to get in my pants, try getting in it through my head. I’ve talked to a lot of people about sex in my time. I was talking dirty long before I ever was actually having sex. I’ve found the best and easiest way to approach me if you’re truly interested in knowing me on a sexual level is to know me on an intellectual level first. Don’t automatically come out and want to have phone sex on our first conversation. If it evolves into that, then bonus, but don’t expect it. I go at my own pace and pressuring me into talking sex 24/7 will only cause me to be irritated with you. Do a little research about the things I’m interested in. It’s not that hard. I make it pretty obvious if you just listen and pay attention. If you can talk to me about more than how hard I make your cock, you’re more likely to be able to get that cock somewhere near me.
4. For the love of all that is holy, know how to properly write and punctuate your writing. It just shows lack of respect for me when I get a message saying “I think ur hawt cum fuk and suck my cock”. Really? Really? You really think I’m going to find that attractive? Um, no. I’m not. In case you were wondering. Sit down, put a little thought into what you decide to send me off the bat and maybe reread it. Do a little editing. Spend more than half a second on me and I’ll spend more than that on you. Sure, you still may get the old delete button for any of the other reasons I’ve mentioned here, but at least this way you’ll be demonstrating you respect me as an intelligent woman enough to converse with me on an adult level. I’m getting a juris doctorate, people. I know how to write. Please show me you know how to as well.
5. If I lose interest in you, don’t pout and be a little bitch about it. Okay, folks. It’s time for me to own up. At any given time, I’m probably juggling three to five different conversations with different people. I’m all at different points in my relationship with those people. Some are in the introductory phase while some are at a deeper level. I am not a monogamous person so don’t expect it of me. I play the field. That doesn’t mean I like you any less. In the same vein though, if I lose interest in you for any reason (most likely I’m either super busy or you have somehow ruined it for yourself) don’t pout and try to get back in with me. If I want to talk to you, I will pursue it. Otherwise go away and try your tricks on some other little sniveling sub who may actually like it. Don’t be a whiner and constantly message me asking what you’ve done wrong. If you don’t know, I won’t tell you.
Don’t want to play by these rules? Fine, then don’t expect me to be interested in you. I am a busy girl and have lots of options presented to me. There are a many paths I can take. The one you present me is merely one of them. Relationships are not built overnight and trust takes even longer. When I’ve let you in to my inner circle, you should know it. I’ve shared things with you I don’t normally post online. That’s usually a good clue that you’ve been allowed were very few ever venture.
Just remember this – doms are a dime a dozen. A spunky sub like me? Priceless. Follow the rules and you’ll be rewarded tenfold.