Maybe I just have too much time on my hands. Maybe I spend too much time thinking about issues a lot bigger than myself. Maybe I need a more time consuming hobby. Maybe I need to get out and spend time around actual people.
Maybe … maybe … maybe.
That’s a lot of what my life is. There’s a whole lot of maybes and not a lot of definites. But I like it that way. I like not knowing where life will lead me. I like waking up each day and though I know generally what happen, I like the unpredictable nature of life. I like that at any moment things can change with the drop of a hat and my entire world can be turned on it’s side. Sure, I crave predictability like any person would, but I like the things being unsure.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships. I can’t help it. So much has gone on lately with my own relationships with people that it is inevitable that I will. I’ve been thinking about how I settle for what is in front of me versus holding out for what is best. While there’s something to be said for having fun, I want something so much more than that. I guess it’s just one of those things that you can’t force though. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t stick around just for the sake of the relationship. Move on, grow from it and learn. You’re better for knowing the person and they’re better for knowing you. Will you miss them? Sure. That’s human nature. But don’t compromise what you believe in or what you desire for the here and now. Do I regret that I did such a thing even for a short time? Sure. But I don’t let it get me down. I was vulnerable and reached out for something that wasn’t right. Time to live and learn.
I feel like I’m on the cusp of something. I’m not exactly sure what, but I feel it. Just there on the periphery of my life. I can’t quite tell if it’s looming like a black cloud on the horizon or simply sneaking up on me trying to surprise me with something good. I see glimpses of something spectacular all the time and even though I try to look harder, more intently, it slips away from me.
Perhaps the lesson of my morning should be this: the best things in life are worth waiting for.