Category Archives: relationships

This Kinkster’s Views on Polyamory

A partner of mine who is new to the idea of polyamory asked me “What does being poly mean to you and how does it affect your life?” This is my answer.

To me, the idea of polyamory is synonymous with the idea of more. Perhaps I’m a bit of a hoarder, a bit of a collector or maybe I’m just plain old greedy. I’ve always had a problem with the idea of monogamy only because I found it extremely hard to believe that one person could be committed 100% to another for any term of time. Humans, by their inherent nature, are hunters and gathers. We constantly hunt for the best thing out there. It’s the whole idea of the conquest. We do it with food, things, jobs, etc. Why not do it with people? We have these thoughts anyways, but most of the time society tells us to lust after someone who is not our partner is a shameful thing. With shame attaches guilt. Why not remove the guilt in the first place?

I have always adhered to the idea that if people were to just love more it would solve a lot of the world’s problems. I never really put a title on my beliefs or really knew about poly until I was probably in my early twenties. White bread suburbia doesn’t typically have households with two mommies, a daddy and a couple boyfriends or girlfriends (for example.) When I was growing up, I didn’t know what my sexuality was for the longest time. I was a huge tomboy and liked how girls looked so I figured I was a lesbian (when I knew what such a thing was.) But I found myself attracted to men too and being around men. I didn’t know that you could like both men and women. I found myself looking at happy couples and wanting that too … but not either or – both. I wanted both of them. Poly kind of incorporates that ability for me. My parents were always very cold people to each other and I think that formed my need for love from multiple sources. The more love, the better in my mind.

This is really hard for me to exactly put down what poly means to me mostly because it’s just a feeling for me. It’s a feeling that that’s what’s right for me. I want a primary partner (or partners) but I also enjoy the idea that if I meet someone I have a connection with who isn’t one of my partners I could enjoy their company in whatever fashion we decide to if everybody is okay with it. I think that’s what separates poly from cheating. Everybody knows what’s going on and there’s an openness to everything we do. I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Having had relationships (even minor ones) crash because I couldn’t be honest with them. Seeing it in people around me also struggling with poly relationships.

Poly is not an easy thing, not by far. It’s very time consuming and delicate to balance time, personalities, egos and desires. When it works though, it works so well. It makes me happy to see my partners happy. It makes them happy to see me happy. I think this also stems from my “pleaser” personality. I want to make people happy in any way I can and if it takes letting a partner go off and romp with someone else knowing that what they do doesn’t detract from our relationship, I’m fine with that.

Admittedly I do have problems sharing. I’m not good with it. Growing up essentially an only child for all intents and purposes, I never had to share my toys. I struggle with knowing someone I’m involved with is off having fun with someone else, but I then have to remember it’s not fair for me to demand that I can do those fun things with other people but my partner can’t. That’s just not fair. It’s not just about balancing other egos, but also about balancing yours as well.

Love is not finite. There is no boundary on how much a person can love. Meeting someone and loving them doesn’t take away from me loving someone else. It just means I love more. It means I love fuller. That’s the affect it has on my life. I love more.

I do want to clarify something though – when I say “we constantly hunt” it doesn’t mean I’m always out there looking for more partners. I can be happy with what I have. I don’t always search for new people to fall in love with or be with. Sometimes those people just find me. They fall in my lap, so to speak. Sometimes there’s something that a partner of mine doesn’t want to do or isn’t interested in that causes me to go on the hunt for someone who will. Having the freedom to do that, all while still staying committed, is what prevents resentment from setting in. I’ve seen that with my parents. I think to a large extent my father resents my mother for just shutting down the whole sexual side of her after I was born. He’s not the kind of guy to go out and have an affair, so he shut that part of himself down too. I don’t want that kind of resentment in my relationships. This is where having that freedom to play becomes useful.

Poly affects me because I don’t feel weighed down by the boundaries of what might be a typical monogamous relationship. Monogamy works for some people, don’t get me wrong. There are perfectly happy couples out there who have a very fulfilled life. I wish them well and with them happiness. For me though, monogamy makes me feel boxed, closed in, isolated. I’m flirty by nature and as hard as I try, I can’t turn that off. It’s just another part of me, like having green eyes or being small. It’s just who I am.

It’s just who I am. Poly isn’t a choice for me. It’s simply who I am.

The Problem With Poly

I was sitting waiting for class last week when I got the text no person in a polyamorous relationship, even one as low level as a poly friendship with feelings, wants to get. The dreaded “my main relationship takes priority over you” message. I had been expecting it for a few days and while I wasn’t surprised, it still hurt.

This is not the first time I’ve been told this in one way or another. Hell, I doubt it will be the last time I receive it either. In fact, I’ve noticed that the last four poly relationships I’ve been in or around in one way or another fail. I could very easily take it personally and feel like I’ve somehow contributed to that, but I’ve decided to take a different approach to how I perceive what’s going on. I may be wrong and way off base, but I feel like even if there’s a nugget of truth in what I say, I’m obligated to point it out.

I’ve noticed several common denominators to all these failed, failing or unstable poly (and even monogamous) relationships around me. I will point them out and discuss them in turn.

1. Communication. I think when it comes right down to it, there is a lack of communication in relationships. Startling revelation, right? I know, it’s probably something that every relationship guru in the last 25 years has preached, but I really feel it’s true, especially in the context of poly relationships. When you are involved with someone else, whether that’s one person or twenty people, there needs to be very open, honest and thorough lines of communication. Everybody needs to be on the same page, whether they agree or not. When more than two people are involved in a relationship, it seems very easy for one person to swallow their feelings or what is going on in their head and eventually it just leads to a blowup or blow out. Define the goals of the relationship, define life goals, define personal goals. Say what you want out of the relationship and what can be done to accomplish all that. In the modern age of constantly being connected, it’s easy to look surface level at a situation and say that we are communicating, but take a harder look and really assess if that is the case.

A corollary to this statement is that communication should not only be done in the bad times. When things are going well, it’s easy to sit back and become complacent with progress or good times, leaving the difficult talks to when things get rough. The problem is that doing that can sometimes ignore little problems that can be easily addressed and headed off when they are small. Not discussing things when they come up, even minor ones when things are good, often times leads to those problems festering. We push them to the back of the pile and then out of the blue, what was a small problem seems to be a big problem that just came up. Constant communication between and among all partners can and does lead to better, long lasting, and more fulfilling relationships.

2. Multiple partners does not save a failing relationship. I think this is the hardest issue I’ve struggled with and only recently come to accept. These relationships I become involve with fail for a reason and by the time I come into the picture, often times the relationship is already doomed. I just get to be around for the implosion. I’ve seen this in swingers, poly people and in the monogamous context of cheating. “Oh, I’ll just bring someone in and they can fix all our problems.” Oh boy, that statement is full of loaded implications and problems. The only people that can ultimately fix a relationship are the people in it. No outside person, no matter how skilled or knowledgeable can do that. It’s a matter of committing to change and making those changes necessary. There are any number of reasons people look outside of a relationship for friendship, physical or emotional comfort or support. The one I’ve seen most often is that they are not getting from the relationship (primary or otherwise) what they need and want out of it. That can often be through no fault of any of the parties. We want people to fulfill our every desire and need, but it doesn’t always happen. We can try as hard as we want to look for those solutions, but from what I have seen if you’re not getting them from within the relationship, you’re going to go elsewhere.

3. Lack of personal accountability. I’ll be honest here. I’m guilty of this one. Quite a bit actually. It’s the whole “it’s not my fault, it’s your fault” argument that couples get into. I’ve had the opportunity to sit through a number of break up talks, whether it’s as a participant or as an observer. Often times I hear more “you”s in the conversation than I do “I”s. It’s the “you didn’t do (fill in the blank)” instead of “I lack in this regard.” Naturally when things go bad, humans do this as a defense mechanism. We overlook what we have done or haven’t done and instead look outside ourselves to find and place blame. While it is a completely natural reaction to a stressor of a relationship breaking up, it also serves to place us on opposite sides from the person with whom we have the relationship. It sets up a adversarial fight instead of a “let’s work together to solve this” situation. I wish I could say there is some easy fix to this and that simply taking more personal responsibility for the relationship will do this, it is the most difficult thing I’ve found. While this kind of reaction is common to every relationship, I find it more prevalent in poly relationships because there are simply more people to blame. Inevitably there is that one easy target that ends up having the weight of the breakup on their shoulders for being the horrible, evil person when in reality it’s probably more like a combined set of factors spread across multiple people that have contributed to the downfall of the relationship.

4. Lack of time spent on individual relationships within the poly relationship. I find this a lot and it’s something I want to address. You don’t have to spend every waking and sleeping moment as a group. It’s simple not feasible. On the opposite side of the spectrum, you should not spend all your time with a “primary” partner for lack of a better word. I’ve always had issues with certain forms of poly relationships, mainly that of the V style. Whoever is the common denominator between the two relationships feels torn and spread too thin. Ultimately it will lead to tearing of the relationship and the common person spending more time with one partner than the other. I’ve always felt the optimal relationship shape should be more like a triangle, square or circle depending on the number of partners. Everybody should be involved with everybody. Having any inequalities will just end poorly. The point I’m trying to make here is that you do need to take time away from the group relationship though to tend to your relationships with a singular person. This is where the communication needs to come in. It needs to be made clear that you’re doing this for the good of the whole relationship, not to show favoritism for one partner or that you love one partner more than the other(s). Keeping the individual components strong will keep the whole strong. Like many other things, relationships are only as strong as the weakest link. Keeping those links strong and taking time to maintain those links will keep the whole of the relationship strong and on a strong and healthy path.

This list is by no means a complete and exhaustive list of the things I often find wrong in polyamorous relationships. As I live more and experience more poly relationships myself, I’m sure that I’ll find more things that need to specifically addressed when in a poly relationship. But for right now, I really wanted to get this out there to help people who do find themselves in a failing poly relationship and hope that I’ve offered a little insight into what is wrong and what can be done to fix it. You only get out of a relationship what you put in it. There’s no easy answers when it comes to relationships and nothing easy about them in general. They are work, like anything else in life. It’s committing to that work and committing to making that relationship better that will ultimately lead to being in more fulfilling and more pleasing relationships.

Fear the Pain, Fear the Pleasure

Fear. It’s something I’ve been pondering lately, but especially pondering tonight. I could tell you why I’m thinking about it especially tonight, but I’d probably end up doing something I’m especially not proud of – hurting another. It’s that thing that I am least proud of doing that I fear the most. I fear hurting another. Fear it until it consumes me.

The last few days I’ve realized though that I tend to do that a lot – hurt people. I don’t intentionally set out to do it. I don’t wake up every morning and think about who’s heart or soul I’m going to crush. It just kind of happens like that. Somehow I manage to do something, say something or even not do or say something that would otherwise prevent someone from being hurt. 

It’s almost an unconscious thing at this point that I draw people to me and ultimately hurt them somehow. I wish I could figure out what triggers it inside me or why I do it. I don’t like seeing people hurt. That I know. I end up hurt as well when I know I’ve hurt them. It pains me to see something like that I’ve caused. And yet somehow it ends up happening over and over again. I swear I don’t do it intentionally.

Another fear of mine? It’s not something I like to admit to. Actually in the grand scheme of my chastity “experiment” it makes sense. I fear that if I don’t stay on it, I’m going to fall right back into the old bad habits I had. I fear jumping back into the “dating” pool and things ending badly. I fear that when I ultimately decide to end my vow I’ll either pick the wrong person to do it with or pick someone who feels for me in a way I don’t feel for them. I don’t want to go back to being the person I used to be. I was a bad person. In a lot of respects I’m still a bad person. Insanity is doing the same thing again and again, expecting a different result each time. That’s what I was doing before I took a step back. I was doing the same action expecting something different to happen when my intelligent brain should have known differently.

The worst thing I was doing, and to a large extent continue to do? Attaching myself to the nearest person who showed me any interest simply because I wanted to be with someone. I desperately worry I get involved with people not because of them specifically, but that I want to be with someone in general. I want the concept of being together and not the person I’m with. I’ve brought it up to people who pursue me, and they assure me I’m fine. That they can tell I want to be with them and not the general “them.” But I still worry. I’m a good actor, perhaps even too good. It’s a worry I’ve had for a long time. It’s this long standing fear of mine. That I’ll settle and end up with someone I don’t want to be with deep inside just so I’m not lonely. And here we are right back at the beginning of my little piece here. If I do that, if I settle for someone I’m not really interested in being with just so I’m not lonely, I’ll hurt this person. Hurt them so badly and hurt them when they don’t deserve it.

Fear is something that motivates you. It pushes you forward and pushes you from the dark moments of your life. It pushes you into the light from the shadows. But for me, fear just pushes me into the dark. It pushes me away from those who love me because I fear hurting them. I fear what I could do given the opportunity.

I fear things I should have more control over – my fears.

A Revelation and an Announcement

I’ve decided I don’t want to date for awhile. I don’t even want to play or snuggle with anybody either. There will be no sex in this champagne room.

Why would I want to do something stupid like that?

Because it hit me as my last date left my apartment that I deserve better. Not because I’m all that or I’m perfect or great, but because I owe it to myself. I was so desperate for human companionship that I sank to a level where I was begging for it. No woman should ever have to beg for sex. Or cuddling. Or companionship. It should come naturally.

I need to take a step back and reevaluate what I want, what I am and where I want to be. I need to look at what I became and what happened when I gave into urges and desires that sent me on a path I’m not proud of going on.

Does this change my sex toy reviewing? No. Will this change my libido in any way? Probably not. What this will do is refocus my attention on me and working to make myself better before I can expect someone else to fix my problems. There’s a lot that’s wrong with me and my thought process. I jump into things and do and say thing without thinking. It’s time for my lawyerly training to be put to good use and use my brain and not my pussy.

I think for all intense and purposes, I have just taken a vow of celibacy. The only person fucking me is going to be me. The only person in my bed is going to be my stuffed animals and me. I’ll probably be lonely, but I know I have real, true friends to get me through it.

So when will this period of chastity end, you ask? When I know in my gut the time’s right.

One Is The Loneliest Number

My mind is not a good place to be lately. There’s been a lot of turmoil in my head lately about things in my life lately. I’ve been in probably the deepest depression I’ve experienced in my life. The past few weeks have been better and I thought I was out of it, but the last twelve hours has brought it back full force. I woke up at 2 a.m. and just laid in bed, curled in the fetal position.

I think what’s upsetting me most lately is that I am overwhelmingly lonely. I have legions of followers, friends and admirers and yet I lay in bed every night alone. Every night I long for the feel of safe, comforting, warm, welcoming arms around me and yet I have none. There’s people around the world who lust after me and yet I’m alone. Not trying to sound like an egomaniac; there literally is people around the world that I know of.

Ever since my relationship with V and J broke up I’ve had this empty feeling in my heart. They’ve moved on and hell, I thought I had too. But the more I think about it the more I realize I miss them. I miss the feelings I got from them, the support, the love, the unconditional love. I miss the feeling of being wanted. The feeling of being attached to someone. I always thought I was the kind of woman who didn’t have to have a man (or woman) in my life. That I wouldn’t be defined by who I was dating or who I wasn’t dating. But since really getting involved with people, really planning my life with someone, I’ve found living without that kind of attachment is really hard for me. Maybe I’m a serial dater. That I swing from one relationship to the next so quickly without any down time. I honestly don’t know.

I find myself seeking out attention and needing to have someone’s approval. This is the submissive part of me. I need someone there to tell me I’m being a good girl and I’m making them happy. When I don’t have that, I feel lost. Like I have no goal and no one to tell me what I’m doing right or wrong. I know I should internally know these things. That I should have this internal sense of accomplishment. Since getting in touch with my submissive side, I’ve found that this internal voice has gotten much quieter. I seek and crave an external voice telling me these things.

I have so many things I want to say and so many things I want to excise from my head. This, writing these things down, is a form of therapy for me. it cleanses me. Ever since I was a little child, my preferred way of dealing with problems or things too emotional or difficult to deal with was repression. It simply wasn’t happening. So far it’s worked out for me in life, but lately it’s not working so well. These things I’ve long since repressed are coming to the surface and causing problems for me.

This deep sense of loneliness weaves through everything I do and crawls into my very soul. I wake up alone in bed and want someone there. Even if they’re not there, I want someone only a call away. I need it, not just want it. By now I need it to be sane. I wish I could explain to you how many times I’ve laid in bed at night and cried into my pillow with how lonely I am. How many times I’ve had to convince myself that I’m okay and I can do this thing called life when I clearly am having problems.

I’m not this unbreakable, immovable force of nature. I’m not made of steel. I’m a little girl in a grown up body. I’m in need of cuddles more than sex. In need of being held and having my hair stroked. Whispered words of love and desire. How beautiful I am, how they want me and need me in their life. It’s not easy to pretend to be a grown up when inside I don’t feel like one.

Long ago I decided I would walk this life alone. That nobody was out there for me and I had to go it alone. Every day that passes where I don’t find someone who completes me just reinforces that in my head. It’s a sad but true belief I go through life with. This tiny piece of me holds out hope that there’s someone out there who will want me just as much as I want them. It’s the part I cling to to keep me sane. Sanity – the thing I feel slipping away more and more everyday.

These demons in my head. They won’t go away. They won’t quiet. They whisper in my ear and tell me I’m unloveable, unwantable, undesirable. They refuse to go away and take the loneliness with them. I’m not unbreakable. The cracks are starting to show.

Freedom to Roam

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my own personal nature. About things I need from life and from relationships. About my definition of happiness in relationships and what I can do ahead of time to ensure that happiness.

First and foremost, I need someone who accepts me for me. Although I am only 24 years young of what I assume will be a very long, full life, I’ve gone through a lot. I had to grown up very early as a child and subsequently my parents joke I came out of the womb being 35. I never related to kids my age, instead preferring to be by myself or with older people. I developed my own ways of doing things and my own rituals and methods. I am stubborn – I readily admit that. Don’t try to change me or change my ways. While I am not perfect, I am me. I am flawed in many ways but I am perfect the way I am. Everything about me is because of a reason, many that I probably don’t even know yet. It’s just how it is.

Secondly, I need freedom to roam. I think that’s what I’m looking for most in this life. Someone who will hold me close but let me go when I want to be see what’s out there. I’m not talking about just temporal traveling, but also in a monogamy sense. Love me. Hold me. Provide for me what I need in life. I will return your gifts in tenfold. But at the same time, I am a flirtatious person who really likes sex and really likes tasting all the colors of the rainbow. I like expanding my horizons and all those other colorful euphemisms for sleeping around. I will always come back to you in the end, but the right person for me needs to be secure in themselves and our relationship to let me go outside of it if I want to. This is an inherent part of me and something I cannot change. It is as much my nature as it is my nature to be submissive or correct people’s use of “titled” and “entitled.” I’m not tired of you, want to see other people or love you any less when I say I need to experience life and experience other people. You can fulfill every one of my physical needs and I will still feel this pull to experience the flesh of another.

Thirdly, I need to be able to open up to someone. I have so much crap in my head most days, most moments that I get weighed down. The right person for me will be able to draw that darkness out of my body in any way possible. Through sex, through holding me, through challenging me mentally and intellectually. When I get too far and deep in my head it’s a hard job to pull me back out, but it’s one that needs to be done for the good of everyone around me. Cleanse my soul and return me to grace. Implicit in opening up is a belief and trust that someone won’t judge me for the thoughts in there. They can be both pretty dark and pretty self-loathing. In my deepest of moments, I’ve hated myself inside and out. I’ve always found ways to pull myself up out of those pits, but at some point there’s going to come a moment where my own effort may not be enough. I’m going to need help. I need to be able to know you’ll be there, ready, willing and able to pull me up and shelter me from myself.

When the moonlight spills down on us in bed from the open window, I want to be able to know I’m with the right person. That I’ve put my trust in the higher power I believe in and She has led me on the right path. It’s a gut feeling, one not easily defined. I wish I knew what it felt like so I could recognize it when I have it, but that’s part of process. Learning to recognize what is right and what is wrong. I’m still learning …

The more I think about it though … what I really need of the above three things? Though it’s not an exhaustive list by any means, what I really need most of all is the second item. I need that freedom.

Just because I walk away doesn’t mean I won’t walk back.

Reflections on Times Past

I mourn for the relationships that went bad.

I mourn for the times we shared and the times we didn’t get to share.

I mourn for those I considered friends and now consider nothing.

I mourn for feelings I thought I had, feelings I did have and feelings I wish I hadn’t had.

I mourn for the loss of those who were once special.

I mourn for their arms around me, making me feel safe and needed.

I mourn for experiences we talked about but never got to.

I mourn for long conversations we had in the dark of night that I wish we could return to, if just to talk through the things we didn’t.

I mourn for the moments that we were silent when we should have been talking.

I mourn for wanting you back and yet never wanting to talk to you.

I mourn for the memories I still have and the memories I was denied.

I mourn for your affection, your love, your attention I will never have.

I mourn for no longer being special to you even though you will always be special to me.

I mourn for the hateful words we directed at each other in the heat of battle.

I mourn for the pain I inflicted and received.

I mourn for the part of my heart you took with you when you left, whether because of you or because of me.

I mourn for dreams of the future I had and will never see realized.

I mourn for the happy moments I wished for and won’t get.

I mourn for your absence from my life, however long you were in it.

I mourn for what might have been and instead never will be.

I mourn for those special to me that I have lost.

I mourn for you.

On Monogamy and Myself

Lately I’ve been realizing something rather surprising about myself. For years I thought I was the most monogamous person I knew. I craved being in a relationship. I craved the security and the companionship. The love and knowledge that there was one person focusing on me as much as I was focusing on them.

It’s taken events both started by me and started by situations beyond my control for me to realize perhaps I had that wrong. I am beginning to doubt that I am a ubiquitously monogamous person. While I’m not saying I am poly yet, I do think there is a place for that kind of exploration and enjoyment in my life.

Perhaps it’s the attention whore side of me but I like when there are multiple people vying for my attention. I like being involved (whether platonically or romantically) with multiple people. I think for the moment I am what a good friend has termed “polyfuckerous.” I like to fuck multiple people. I like having options and I like having different cocks inside me. Strange thing to say, but everybody is different. Every guy has a different method of romancing a woman.

I’m still exploring this side of me and certainly still learning about how to make it work in a practical setting where all involved don’t get hurt. Where I don’t get hurt. As a good friend told me, “protect your heart.” I’m going to have to learn to build those walls again that took me so long to get rid of. Placing people into categories and in boxes knowing how much or how little they can be to me.

Much like everything else in life, this is a learning experience. One that I think will take many years until I find the right balance of right, wrong and the fun gray in between.

Romantic Love vs. Kinky Play

I have a hard time dealing with this dichotomy. What blend of romantic love and kinkiness do I want in my life?

I’ve known from an early age that my relationships can’t survive on vanilla alone. I have these urges and desires deep inside of me. They gnaw away at my thoughts and consume me from time to time. My pleasures swing like a pendulum to and fro between wanting to be held down and fucked senseless to cuddled and made love to. The distinction between leather and lace for me.

I walk the line between two worlds, neither of which I feel entirely comfortable in. The vanilla world lacks excitement for me. Guys who bristle at the idea of using a toy in the bedroom much less holding a woman down while he’s doing it. At the same time the men who are so dominant as to not want to cuddle with me don’t appeal to me either. I like being held close, made to feel like I’m wanted, safe and protected. Guys who say they don’t cuddle lose some kind of luster when they say that.

Whenever I start talking to a potential interest lately, I can’t help but feel like they don’t see me for me. They don’t see beyond the body or the fantasies. I am more than a set of holes for your use. Sure, they are there for you to use as you please, but there is also something more to me than just that. My heart is what is really important. My heart and my brain.

For a man to truly own me and control me, he has to have my heart. He needs to make me want to submit. That I love him so much that my submission is my ultimate gift for him, a gift that he should treasure and hold sacred.

Perhaps I ask too much. Perhaps I want it all. Perhaps I am too naive in the ways of the world at my age. Perhaps I have not experienced enough to know you can’t always get what you want.

Honestly I don’t know ultimately if I will find what I am looking for. I hold out hope that there is someone out there for me, searching, wishing and waiting just like I am for a woman just like me. That we share the same lonely nights and need for more than what we currently have. Because without the hope that someone is perfect for me and me for him, I don’t have much of anything left.

Kink is great fun and gets me wet. But at the end of the day, it is ultimately the love of a deep and meaningful relationship I crave.

The bruises are just a bonus.

Musings on sex and intimacy

Am I just a dreamer? Am I too unrealistic in my views of relationships and sex? Is it too naive of me to think that people should equate sex with intimacy and intimacy with emotion? I just think it’s really shitty that sex has lost its intimacy. In our hyper sexual society, sex has become a commodity. It has become little more than something that we trade without thinking. I’m just as guilty as the next person of separating the two, but I’ve found lately that I prefer them tightly knit. What gets me most excited is the possibility of no sex at all, and instead just cuddling. Those are the most exciting things for me. Just being together and holding hands and all the stuff we’ve seem to forgotten on the light speed quest towards sexual liberation.

Does the average man not cuddle any more? Is intimacy in society a lost art form? It’s certainly seeming like that to me lately.