Category Archives: product reviews

Review: Seven Minutes in Heaven Vol. 2

Porn, much like human bodies, comes in all shapes and sizes. Having spent the last almost decade watching porn of all types, I’ve developed quite a discerning taste for what I like. Unnatural looking bodies, condom-free sex, male jewelry, hair scrunchies and faked female orgasms are just a few of the things on my list that make me press the “stop” button. A dude spewing his jizz all over a girl’s face is another. Ugh.

Having done extensive “research” on the subject, my recent trend in my porn watching habits is quite simple – real people, with real bodies, having real sex. Seven Minutes in Heaven 2: Tender Hearted sold at Babeland, quite possibly the most queer and gender-friendly sex store out there. The fact that it was nominated for a 2010 Feminist Porn Award tells you what caliber of work it is. It also tells you something I would like to impress upon my readers. Pornography and feminism are not incompatible concepts. To be truly liberated as a woman, it is important to enjoy your body and be in touch with it, whether that’s through sexual activity of some kind or not.

If you’re looking for plastic-fantastic, blond Barbies in your porn, look elsewhere. This is not the movie for you. Hell, this isn’t the movie for everybody in fact. For some, it might be too much. But like Goldilocks and Baby Bear’s porridge, it was just right for me. There are real people in this movie. Only one person that appeared on screen was someone I even recognized and she didn’t take her clothes off!

The basic concept of Seven Minutes in Heaven 2 is this – throw a bunch of hot, gender-bending people into an apartment with great sex toys, all the safe sex protection you could ever dream of, and let them go to town. Paired off by a basic “spin the bottle” of sorts, couples and eventually threesomes do what hot people do best. They have great, hot, real sex. I couldn’t tell who was what gender and honestly that was part of the appeal. In the end, it doesn’t really matter. Sure, if your Tab A doesn’t fit into another’s Slot B it’s a bit of a setback, but just strap on a fake cock and go to town. Some of my favorite toys ever make appearances in this movie. Some of my most recommended toys make appearances in this movie.

One thing that really got my attention and sealed my stamp of approval for this porn was the fact that I don’t think I can recall a porn with more safe sex examples. From black nitrile gloves to condoms over vibrators and even a demonstration of how to make a dental dam in a rush, my inner germaphobe and safe sex advocate rejoiced. In a day and age where AIDS and HIV has not been eradicated and only continued to proliferate, it’s important to show positive examples of safe sex. Using a condom or dental damn doesn’t decrease sensation. In my mind, using them shows your sexual partner that you care enough about them to make sure both them and you stay safe, regardless of health status. And to me, that’s just plain sexy. Caring is sexy.

Genders blend as couples get down and dirty in this movie. Fingers and tongues explore. Interesting locations make for interesting sex. I mean, I never would have thought of a clawfoot tub as a particular sexy location for sex in the positions shown in this movie, but now I don’t think I’ll look at one the same now. There’s no black or white when it comes to race here either. Everybody is sexy. Everybody gets action. While I do have some of the actors I preferred (the sexy Latina girl in the opening scene was freaking HOT!) they were all interesting and enjoyable to watch.

Want a preview? This is just an example and a quick scene of the actors playing “spin the bottle” to get things started.









See what I mean? Hotness. Want more of a taste? Here’s the trailer as found on director Courtney Trouble’s website. Follow the link to her website for more pictures taken on set during filming.


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So overall did I enjoy Seven Minutes in Heaven 2: Tender Hearted sold at Babeland.com? Definitely. Is it a porn for everybody? No. The person who enjoys this movie will have an open mind, a love of safe sex and a soft spot for human bodies, no matter the color, shape, gender or orientation. Sex comes in all shapes, colors, sizes and appearances. My only gripe? Sorry, everybody. I just can’t do that much genital hair. A sad reality, but a true one. That little fact alone stuck in my heel like a bad glass sliver you can’t tweeze out and unfortunately prevented me from really getting into this porn.

As to Courtney Trouble and her brand of “gonzo” porn (which seems to me to be more like real porn)? I’m glad there’s someone out there making movies with real people having real sex in a real way. We’re not all porn stars and we’re all interested in things beyond our normal experiences.  Porn should reflect that as best it can. This movie certainly does.

Review: Bikini Harness by Sportsheets

Spareparts Bikini Harness

“Hold on, honey. Take a breather while I adjust my crotch strap.” Wait, what? Okay, so that exchange never happened, but it sure could. At least with this harness.

The Sportsheets Bikini Harness sold at Fascinations Fun is a nifty different style for a strap-on harness. I also own a Latigo Leather harness (also by Sportsheets) and a Spareparts Joque harness for strap-on delights. Admittedly I haven’t used any of them to have sex yet, but in my mind there’s something to be said about always being prepared. Can you tell I was a Girl Scout? Plus there’s little that’s sexier for me than putting on my cock and just playing with it.

First off, I’d like to say how much I love Fascinations. Seriously. They have some of the coolest stuff, the best prices and the best discounts (for you thrifty sex toy users!) When I receive packages, they’re packed with care and arrive super quickly. If you haven’t checked out Fascinations yet, you’re definitely missing out.

Okay, enough pining over a sex toy company. Back to the actual harness. This harness is a bikini style harness as compared to a two strap harness. Wearing this harness is like wearing one big (heavy) g-string. Wearing a two strap harness like my Latigo or Joque is like wearing a … well, jock strap. There’s two straps that go from the crotch section to the back of the harness and those straps cut under your butt cheeks. Now us ladies (or other users of harnesses) can get a feel for what it’s like to play football, minus the padding and 300 pound defensive ends slamming into us. Personally, I like the feel of a two strap harness. They feel more secure. I can see how they’d be cumbersome to wear around as a packing harness and that’s where I like the idea of bikini style harness like this one. Heck, I don’t think you’d even have to wear undies.

Modeling the Bikini Harness over jeans.

Given that this is practically a g-string, the straps on this are going to be fairly slim. For me to feel secure with this on, I had to tighten the straps by pulling on the loose tab in the back (rather difficult when wearing) to the point that I had a bit of a muffin top spillover. Hence why you are not seeing me in this harness – I wasn’t too thrilled about the rollover action I was getting. Going back to the strap tightening, this is where I found the biggest flaw in the harness. It’s really difficult to adjust when you’re wearing it. You have to reach around back and pull the straps in a way that is not easy to do. Especially the crotch strap. You pull downward to tighten it. That being said, if you have really long, limber arms I doubt this would be a problem. It would also not be much of a problem if your partner would do it for you. Having no partner to help me and short arms, I kind of rotated my torso just so and sorta pulled as best I could. The straps are connected in the back by a rather heavy metal O-ring and I giggle when I wear it cause it’s like having a target on my ass.

The crotch panel of the harness is actually really nice. It’s made of soft padded fabric and is really comfortable. The O-ring that holds the dildo (in this case the included silicone dildo … more on that later!)  is sewn into the actual lining of the panel. There’s no changing it out for larger, thicker dildos. Not a huge deal but when I started trying other dildos in this harness, anything thicker than the included dildo wouldn’t fit that well. As it is the dildo that comes with this is a fairly snug fit. The dildo sits against your pubic bone because there’s no backing to the panel. It’s not a huge deal but I can see vigorous sex perhaps causing some chafing to occur when silicone dildo rubs against skin.

Detail of the crotch panel and dildo when worn over jeans. Notice how the dildo sits against your skin rather than against a panel. 

I did like that you can possibly launder this harness if you do it on the gentle cycle and if you throw it in with other clothes. Remember that the metal O-ring on the back is rather large and it’ll knock around against the inside of your washing machine if you won’t pad the machine with other clothes. Another alternative if you don’t want to risk that is washing this by hand, which I would think would be preferable and least risky in terms of ruined appliances.

Can we talk about the dildo now? Yes! Yes, we can talk about the dildo now. I freaking love this dildo. I’ve been less than thrilled before when toys are included in sets, mostly because there’s always a weak link. One of the pieces will inevitably be crappy. I was expecting this dildo to be sub par and end up on my throw-away pile. Oh hell no. I love this dildo. First off, it’s pure silicone. Like my other much-loved and adored Tantus and Fun Factory dildos. I’m talking perfect quality silicone that is purple, shimmery and just the right curve. The head of the dildo is slightly bulbous and the shaft is curved nicely to aid in g-spot stimulation. And boy howdy, it stimulated my g-spot. It’s juuuuuust thick enough for me to enjoy while not being overly thick. Like I said before, thicker dildos didn’t fit in the sewn-in O-ring on the harness panel so this dildo is medium sized in thickness.

Compared with my two strap harnesses, I really love this bikini style harness. The Spareparts Bikini Harness sold at Fascinations Fun is fun to wear, sexy to look at, and comes with a great body-safe silicone dildo. I wish the straps were easier to adjust, but I can overlook that and remember to do more yoga so I can be more flexible. The included dildo is fantastic and I hope to use this for sexy times when the time is right. There’s a place inside everybody where you just want to sit around a stroke a cock all day, and this is how I do it. Strap on and stroke up.

Review: Tantus Silk Large

Tantus Silk Large in Purple Haze

Oh Tantus. If there are two companies in the sex toy manufacturing world that are near and dear to my heart, they are Tantus and Njoy. It is hard not to enjoy their products. They are well thought out, well designed and well manufactured.

I have long admired the Tantus Silk Large in Purple Haze sold by Fascinations Fun has long been a dildo I have admired and lusted after. It seems so basic in it’s construction and design, yet so many have recommended the Silk line of Tantus dildos as first time dildos. There’s a reason for this. Actually there are several reasons.

First off – It’s 100% body safe medical grade silicone. Tantus has the best quality silicone I’ve found on the market. Boil it, bleach it, sterilize it. Other than lighting it directly on fire or using silicone lube on it, there’s not much you can do to destroy these things. As to the fire thing, I’ve heard rumors you can hold an open flame to quality silicone and it will not melt. I’ve just been too chicken to do this with my own toys. Silicone can be shared among partners, though I do suggest using a condom for easy and quick swapping. Also condoms make anal to vaginal play more possible without the risk of a dreaded infection.

Why else do I love this dildo? The shape and size. This is the largest of the Silk line dildos, with the smallest being little more than a thick thumb’s diameter. I have previously recommended the Silk Small to friends who are interested in pegging but don’t want to put something too thick up their butt their first time out. The Large dildo is a hair over 6 1/4 inches insertable with a diameter of 1 1/4 at the shaft’s base and oh-so-slightly tapering out at the tip. You can feel the slight taper as you stroke the length of this shaft as you would a penis. The shaft curves in a way that will hit your g-spot and stimulate the area nicely. The blunt end is good because it will not poke at your g-spot like other toys I’ve tried will, instead making contact and stimulating the whole area. My g-spot needs more pinpoint stimulation, but I enjoyed the blunt bulbous end of the Silk very much so. The head of the dildo is not lifelike or designed to mimic a penis in any way so those who prefer their toys to be gender nonspecific will enjoy that. No scary, veiny, overly realistic cocks here.

Third, this makes a fantastic option when used in conjunction with a strap-on harness. The flared base and diameter make the Silk easily fit into most standard cock rings that come with harnesses. I found it worked in both my Latigo Leather harness and my Spareparts Joque harness. As a woman, having the ability to slide a dildo into a harness and strap it on is very empowering. I could literally sit all day and play with my new found cock, just stroking it and waving it around. Cock envy is fantastic. That being said, the flared base is rather small compared to other dildos I use as strap-on compatible dildos.  Unless the ring you’ve put your dildo in with your harness sits very snuggly around the base, there is a possibility that the Silk Large could wobble around or slide loose (assuming you let it.) The base of the Silk Large is a very flat 2 1/4 inches across. The flat surface helps it stand up with using the toy vertically on another flat surface and gives a mild suction, but not compared to other dildos that are specifically designed with a suction cup base.

While I do love the silicone material Tantus uses to make their products, I’ve found them to be extreme lint magnets. They attract most anything, whether dust, hair, or lint from whatever I’m storing it in. Storing silicone toys together is also difficult as I’ve found they do the melty thing when pressed together for long periods of time.

New Packaging Fail

Recently Tantus did a redesign of their packaging for most, if not all of their toys. When I first started purchasing Tantus toys, they arrived in plastic bags with a cardboard label folded in half and stapled over the bag’s edge. There was minimal packaging and very little you could injure yourself on with the exception of the small staples perhaps. Tantus has since transitioned to plastic clamshell packging that inserts into more plastic boxes with interlocking flaps at the top. Their new packaging is shown here at left with Deuce 2 also by Tantus.  Maybe I’m just inept at opening packing (my hands and fingertips hold the scars of many scissor / plastic fights) but I’ve found that the new packaging is hard to get open and on a several occasions  I’ve sliced into skin doing so. Additionally it’s a lot of extra packaging I now need to dispose of somehow. The clamshell insert is nice because you can store your dildo that way but the box,  besides being a information conveying device, does little but take up space and add to landfills. If I was a Tantus marketing employee I would see if there’s a different way to package items that will take less materials and lead to less injuries.


Packaging aside, the Tantus Silk Large in Purple Haze sold at Fascinations Fun makes for an excellent dildo for beginners looking for something easy to use but still effective. It’s not realistic like other dildos on the market and can be used in a harness for strap-on play. Be careful to make sure the harness ring fits snug against the base. The silicone is easily cleaned and the purple shimmer iridescence to it is very pretty to the eye. The color reminds me of a nail polish color I had as a small child.

Review: Couture Collection bliss remote bullet vibe by Cal Exotics

Couture Collection bliss

I’ve mentioned before how I’ve long had a fantasy to have someone use a remote bullet vibrator with me. The thrill of not knowing when they’ll activate it. The allure of being discovered at any time. The sexiness of having my pussy filled and controlled by someone else. Yes, I like all of that.

But alas I have never found a remote bullet vibe that I have liked – until now. When I pulled the Couture Collection bliss Rechargeable Remote Bullet Vibe by Cal Exotics out of its packaging I anticipated that I’d be disappointed like my previous adventure into remote vibrators. But I promised I’d keep an open mind and hoped things would turn out better. I’m glad I did too.

Let’s start at the beginning. With the exception of a nylon retrieval strap and some kind of rubbery plastic buttons on the remote, everything on this toy is made from ABS plastic that’s been coated with a PU coating. This gives it a satiny soft finish whiles till having a hard exterior. The remote, egg and charging base is made from this plastic and coated to feel the same way. ABS plastic cannot be sterilized the same way silicone, steel, glass and other solid materials can be. That means if you intend to share this toy between partners in one session, I suggest you slip it inside a non-lubricated condom. That will ensure that no germs are transferred between or among partners.

Since I mentioned the charging station, I really found this to be quite a unique aspect of the remote bullet. While other remove bullets unscrew and use some type of battery, the bliss bullet is rechargeable. There is no external power and no points to specifically attach into the charging station. Plug the charging base into a standard wall socket by using the charging cord (mine came with a European wall plug and a US converter attachment) and then plugging that into a wall socket. Once the charging dock is powered, rest the egg in the charging cup (that’s what I’m calling it) and a tiny button at the base of the egg will light up indicating that the egg is charging. The light will be red while charging and green when fully charged.

I had a little bit of difficulty figuring how to turn the actual egg on with both the remote and little power button at the base of the egg. My best guess and the method that seemed to work best is that you should press the on/off button on the egg once and then the on/off button on the remote once as well. The remote has a little indicator light that will indicate when it’s on and when you’re flipping through the vibration modes. Turning the whole unit on was touchy for me and I often found myself frustrated and trying to match up both on/off settings.

Once on though, the egg bullet has seven vibration patterns. They are: (1) low vibration, (2) medium vibration, (3) fast vibration, (4) escalation, (5) pulsating, (6) fast pulsating and (7) escalating pulse. I’ve found in the past that a medium to fast vibration is my favorite, but I also enjoyed the pulsating vibration modes on this toy as well. Given that someone can be holding the remote and flipping the vibration on and off from up to 16 feet (or 5 meters for my metric-using friends) this would be a fun toy to use in a crowd. The remote itself operates on 433 MHz so make sure that nothing you’re around is operating on the same wavelength or you could be surprised. That’s what I suspect went wrong with my last remote bullet. I believe my television remotes were on the same frequency so when I flipped channels, the bullet also flipped out!

Optimally this egg is designed to be used internally in the vagina and remote obviously used externally by either someone else other than the egg user or the egg user them self. The egg can be used in or out of the water given that there are no battery compartments that are accessible by the user. There is a minute sliver of space around the power on/off button at the base of the egg and it is entirely possible though that a little bit of water could get in through that space, however small. So far I have not experienced any problems with it after having had this bullet for a few weeks now. That’s not to say it couldn’t happen though.

On the whole I liked the Couture Collection bliss remote bullet vibe by Cal Exotics much better than my last foray into remote bullets. Ultimately I would like someone to design a silicone outside egg that will be much easier to sterilize. This egg is definitely on the large size, probably similar to a grade large or extra large chicken egg. If your vagina has a small entrance and you find wider diameter toys uncomfortable, you will have to either warm up with a narrower toy to insert the egg or use it externally. After some difficultly, I managed to insert it, but it sure didn’t want to come back out. Be forewarned there.

The Couture Collection bliss (yes, lowercase) is very promising for couples use and anybody looking for some wireless remote control fun with a partner. Whether in a crowd, at a bar, or a movie theater, this could lead to a lot of fun and some seriously teased user. Watch out … you may find yourself ready to pounce when you ultimately can!

Review: Fetish Fantasy Series Extreme Hogtie Kit

Oh man. Oh oh man. There has been few things brewing in the back of my mind longer than being restrained in some form or fashion. Whether with rope or restraints, it’s pretty much been there as long as I can remember. Quite frankly I think my first sexual thoughts involved being restrained some way and finding sexual pleasure in that.

When I got my hands on the Extreme Hogtie Set, part of the Fetish Fantasy Series by Pipedream Products, I was psyched. Finally! Full immobilization and all the kinky thoughts that went along with that for me! Oh yes, please. Sign me up. Alas, I found myself … underwhelmed by the products when I opened the box.

Included with this kit is: (2) neoprene ankle cuffs, (2) neoprene wrist cuffs, (1) “heavy duty” metal hogtie center piece and (1) free satin love mask. The actual restraints and connector are packaged in one bag and the free mask is packaged in another within the box you receive. When you first unseal the plastic baggies, the overwhelming scent of what I can only describe as “ICK!” greets your nose. My best guess is that it’s the neoprene foam that each restraint is made from. That gross plasticy, rubber smell. Not exactly what I call the best impression a product can make.

Center hogtie ring

 The center hogtie ring that connects all the cuffs is what I first examined. The metal ring seems stable and sturdy enough. No complaints there. There are four smaller rings connected to the larger center ring by way of black mesh straps and two rivets on each strap. I pulled as hard as I could and the black mesh stretched, but didn’t come apart. Despite this, I question its ability to withstand someone very strong pulling on all sides. From that alone I determined this is definitely what the more bondage-gear inclined would call a “beginner set.” If you pull hard enough, I suspect the mesh would come away from the rivets holding the folded over mesh together. Additionally, the smaller rings are not solid rings and I worry about pressure on those as well. Sure it would take someone very strong to pull the ring apart, but it wouldn’t be unheard of.

The cuffs next concerned me. As someone who has a very tiny wrist (I often have to take links out of bracelets or watches) I was worried that they wouldn’t fit me. The wrist cuffs are 10 inches long and after a little maneuvering fit me. The neoprene had to be doubled up and the hook and loop tape had extra hanging over. That being said, the neoprene does make these fairly comfortable, though not exactly what I would call stylish. The ankle cuffs are of similar make, though slightly wider (the wrist cuffs just over 2 inches and the ankle cuffs just over 2 1/2 inches.) The ankle cuffs are also longer. They measure 11 3/4 inches in length compared to the wrist cuffs’ 10 inches. These also fit comfortably on my ankle, but like the wrist cuffs I had to double over the neoprene to make them small enough. 

Closeup of the hardware on the cuffs

My biggest gripe with these cuffs is the hardware on them. It just looks flimsy and cheap. Hell, the rings that are attached to both the cuffs and clips to the center hogtie ring are split rings, like you’d put your car and house keys on. This is probably how the actual connector pieces were attached to them. The clip connector’s swiveling base is wide and the ring it’s connected to is very narrow. This leads to the actual connector sliding around a lot on the ring and while this might be useful in positioning and comfort of the user, to me it just seems like they took a stock piece of hardware and threw it on the cuffs. The metal on these is fairly thin for good cuff standards and also contributes to their flimsy and cheap look.

These cuffs look very beginner and newbie. Almost cheap. If you show up to a professional fetish club with these, you’d be shamed out of there. Or at least I’d be embarrassed if I showed up with these on my body or for use. They may be good for the occasional user at home, one who is curious about restraints and wants something simple and inexpensive, but outside of that I really can’t think anybody seriously into bondage would use these. They just seem …. not very well executed to me. The idea was there and it seems like the manufacturers took a whole bunch of stock hardware and materials laying around the production facility and threw them together into this set.

And this free mask that is included with this set? Oh dear jeebus, just throw it out before you even take it out. Don’t bother with it. The material reminds me of a pool cover. Crinkly and loud. It couldn’t have cost them more than five or ten cents to make this thing and it certainly shows. If you want a mask and don’t want to buy it from a sex toy seller, just go to your local mass market retailer and buy a sleep mask. While not as “bondage”-y, it will probably be more comfortable, smell better and last longer.

Of all the negatives to this set, do I have anything positive to say? After really searching deep for something I found it – the girl on the front of the box is cute. I really like her eye makeup and corset. And quite frankly? That’s kind of sad that’s the only positive thing I could find.

You want a hogtie set? You can find so many more out there that are quality sets than the Extreme Hogtie Kit, part of the Fetish Fantasy Series by Pipedream Products.

Review: Candy Bra + G-String Combo from Babeland.com

Holy sweet tooth, Batman! Diabetics better haul out the industrial barrel of insulin before you read this review. Just the mere idea of it may send you into sugar overload. Well, that or the idea of candy strings caressing your girly or manly bits. Either way you’re sure in for one heck of a sugar rush when you plunk down $20 on the Candy Bra + G-String Combo sold at Babeland.com

Candy Bra + G-String Combo

Sure, you could buy these items individually, but you and I both know a good deal on anything sexy is a fantastic deal. Buying these items separately would cost you an additional $4 and let’s be honest having the set is going to be more fun in the long run. Us ladies (and some gents I’m sure as well) have a thing about matching our lingerie and for me something I can eat and play dress up with is going to be no different.

These delicious delights of decadence will arrive at your door step in beautiful pink boxes. The boxes depict black shadowed outlines wearing the products on the front and have a list of ingredients and nutrition information on the back.

Packaging of products

The candy has been made in China and includes the following ingredients: dextrose, modified maize starch, anti-caking agent (magnesium salts of fatty acids), citric acid, flavorings, and colorings (Red 40, Yellow 5, Blue 1.) Though I don’t know why you’d actually consider looking at the nutrition information given that it’s just freaking sugar, 10 individual pieces of the candy will set you back 9 grams of sugar per serving.  There are approximately 28 servings in the candy bra and 14 servings in the candy g-string. With a serving size of 10 grams and doing the math, that means you’d eat 378 grams of sugar if you sat and ate every piece in both bra and g-string. I don’t think your body would like you very much if you did that.

All these are essentially glorified candy necklaces, just on a much larger scale. Ever get one of those out of the coin machines when you were a kid? Well, these are the adult version and personally I think they’re much hotter. After all, who doesn’t love a little pussy or nipple with their candy? I say we combine the things all the time. Except if you get yeast infections. Then that’s bad. Vagina + sugar = yeast infections, people. Very bad news! Needless to say these are for decorative and external use only. No insertion here, folks. Let me repeat that: DO NOT INSERT CANDY UP YOUR WHO-HA!

Actually wearing these items is rather awkward and cumbersome as they don’t exactly tie very well. The top is just like your standard triangle bra top, with straps to tie around your torso and neck. The “straps” on this don’t exactly tie that well but I don’t think they’re designed to stay on too long. Not exactly the object here. If you try to take them off they get pretty tangled easily and I had a heck of a time removing them once they were tied.

So what do they look like while being worn you ask? Yes, I shall even deliver here. Behold the wonder that is the candy bra top and g-string combo!

Candy Bra top

As you can see, the triangle pieces are pretty far apart. Someone with a narrower torso may find that this piece doesn’t fit on them at all given that the triangle parts are set so far apart. Personally I prefer my bikini tops to be more of a push up than a sag down but to each her own. I’m a 34C/D in bra size and comfortably fit this top. Sure, it’s a bit snug and doesn’t cover much in the way of breast tissue, but this once again is probably not what it’s designed for.

Candy G-String front view

(I’ll spare you with the back view because of some rather scary looking bruises I received from an intense flogging a few days ago. Details possibly to come on that as well, by the way.)

The candy g-string bottoms are …. unique. When you put them on the sensation of the little candy pieces rubbing on your pussy lips is almost akin to tickling for me and I giggled the entire time I wore it. I hope laughter is part of your sexual life because you’ll certainly be laughing when you’re wearing this. The actual crotch portion of the g-string is oddly strung so it almost pouches out. I would think you could also use this on a man, though I do believe they also sell a mens’ version of this bottom as well. So maybe this is for a woman who likes her g-strings a little pouchy, one with big pussy lips that need concealing, or a man with a rather small penis. Multi purpose diabetic coma inducing! That’s what you call bang for your buck.

Given that the string this is made from is stretchy (remember the old candy necklaces?) I imagine a wide variety of sizes would be able to fit in this, but like most things there’s a limit. I’m a size 8-10 in womens’ and found the string stretching already for me. You’re definitely better off being more slender with this item. As for the back, it’s actually quite large. I’m rather petite and need low-rise undies normally so the extra tiny triangle back of the g-string sat much higher than I’d normally desire for g-strings day to day.

The feedback I received wearing this candy undies combo was …. well, sweet! There’s nothing like a woman in candy to get the motor revving and I imagine you’ll find that this combo will get you both jacked up on sugar and get you jacked off.

But Undercover Kinskter, you say! What does it taste like? Before wearing it tastes like sweet, sweet candy. After wearing? It tastes like candy and cooch. And that’s the sweetest combination of all.

Buy the Candy Bra + G-String Combo from Babeland.com in October and Babeland will donate 10% to the Young Survival Coalition, an organization dedicated to aiding and supporting young woman facing breast cancer. You’ll also receive a Babeland Buzz vibrator for free with your purchase.

Review: Madison Young’s Lucky – A Woman’s POV

My porn tastes have never run very mainstream. I’ve never liked the same old cliches I see in 95% of porn. From a very young (and probably illegal in my jurisdiction) age I’ve found myself attracted to sexual images most of “average” society would find shocking, unattractive or downright wrong. Maybe it’s the taboo of the whole thing. I like the taboo of enjoying what others don’t.

What first attracted me to Lucky: A Woman’s POV sold at GoodVibes.com was that one of my very favorite stars was in it. Madison Young is probably in my top five list of favorite adult performers. While the list is constantly fluctuating, I can say Belladonna, Claire Adams and Madison Young are more than likely on that select list.

The second thing that attracted me to it was that it’s a porn shot from a woman’s perspective. That’s not something you see often. Porn in general is something mainly directed at a male audience and only recently has been opening up to women, gays, lesbians, bisexuals and the gender queer. Many of the titles in my porn library fill this newer segment of the market. If I want straight up boring “insert zeeee peeeeeeeenis in the vaginaaaaa” porn I’ll go to the internet and find some poorly produced and poorly shot quick clip. Sorry, Adult Film Industry. Those things don’t interest me.

Lucky: A Woman’s POV is a series of vignettes (or scenes I guess), usually of Madison and other performers, getting down and dirty in a hotel room or other somewhat discrete location. Everything has been shot with handheld cameras and you often see the Flip camera that Madison herself wields during many of the escapades. Madison has taken some of her best friends on a trip to Vegas and you go with them as they walk through the casinos and explore the hotel rooms.

If you’re looking for any kind of penis in your porn, look for other movies. This is purely a girl on girl porn. But it’s not the mainstream girl on girl porn I quickly grew tired of years ago. These are not heterosexual girls paid to be lezzies and lick some other girl’s pussy. These are actual gender queer performers who don’t care what the parts are. They are attracted to the person. That kind of appreciation for sexuality as a fluid concept comes through in their performances.

There are several lesser known performers in this move and some I’ve never even heard of. Madison mentions that two of the girls she films having sex are girls she picked up off the street and asked if they’d share their attractions with her camera. This is real girl sex. Not that fake stuff with long nails (have you ever met a lesbian with long manicured nails?!), silicone breasts and spray on tans. These are girls with some curves, glasses and people you’d find at the corner cafe sipping a cup of coffee. But at the same time the passion they display for their sexuality is very real and very erotic.

Admittedly the film making quality of this movie is slightly less as it was shot on mostly handheld cameras, but once you really get into it you forget those things or notice them less. You know the camera isn’t angled for the “money shot” because the person holding the camera is enjoying herself and not focusing on the camera. The film is crisp than some larger budget pornography but I like it. I like the look of amateur porn.

There is a slight background soundtrack to this movie, but nothing that’s distracting. I didn’t even know it was there until I turned the sound all the way up on happenstance thinking my speakers were off. The music is good quality and plays well into the scenes.

My favorite part about this movie? Madison has brought out the really good toys. I love when I see good toys in a porn and here she’s bought out what seems to be everybody’s favorites – the Hitachi, the Njoy Pure Wand (my personal favorite), and what looked like a Fun Factory dildo I couldn’t identify. Quality toys always make me very happy when I see them used in porn. They make me want to invest in it if I don’t already have it or use it more if I do. I can tell you I was damn inspired to pull out my Pure Wand while I was watching Dylan Ryan use it on Madison. Oh heck yes.

If you’re looking for a gender queer porn with great realistic girl/girl action, innovative use of hand held cameras to get POV shots that would otherwise be missed, great girls and awesome use of good quality sex toys, you will enjoy Lucky: A Woman’s POV sold at GoodVibes.com.

Review: Tantus Dipper

Tantus makes many of my favorite and most lusted-for products. Based in California, they use only the highest medical grade silicone for their toys. This is one of my favorite features on any toy, and Tantus toys are no different.

Tantus also makes some of my favorite anal toys around. The Tantus Dipper sold at FunLove.com is a toy I’ve been looking at for quite some time. My love of anal toys is no secret around here and the thought of a Tantus-designed toy that was specifically for my butt made me drool.

One thing I find amusing about the design of the Dipper is how similar it looks to those honey pot dippers. That’s probably where it got it’s name though. All the designers and marketing people were sitting around the conference room table and somebody said, “Hey it looks like a honey dipper. Let’s call it that.” Or maybe not. I don’t know. I just like to think I’m funny.

When you get the Dipper in your hands the first thing you’re acutely aware of is the ridges in the insertable, pointed part of the toy. These are some serious ridges and definitely not for the anal newbie. In fact, I’d bet that most anal virgins and newbies are terrified of this thing just looking at it. Rightfully so too. The total length of the toy is just under 5 1/2 inches and the ridged insertable portion is roughly 2 3/4 inches.

I used some good quality silicone/water-based hybrid lubricant on the ridged, insertable portion. My preferred and favorite hybrid lubricant is Wet Synergy. I made sure that the ridged part was well coated and slowly attempted insertion. The pointy tip of the toy makes it easy to pinpoint where you want to put it, but right after you get past the pointy tip you really get tested. I suggest that your butt is really, really warmed up before using this toy. Either that or be an advanced anal player. This thing does not go in with one attempt thanks to the ridges. With some slow breathing, good lube and clitoral stimulation (aids in relaxation for me) I was able to finally pop the full insertable portion into my butt. At it’s widest point, the Dipper’s ridged part is 1 1/2 inches.

The round end can also be used for insertion, but I found it works better as a handle than anything. Due to having no real easy way to insert a purely round end, the pointy tip of the ridged section makes for easier insertion. Easy being relative here.

Once inserted I found there wasn’t much I could do with this. The taper in the middle of the insertable, ridged end is not as slow as the taper closer to the end so I couldn’t thrust this toy at all like I usually like to. The smooth neck will allow your anal sphincter to relax around it. I was able to thrust this a little thanks to that smooth portion, but I felt like I was more ramming my asshole from the inside than anything.

Like I mentioned before, the ridges are really something else. This takes a really brave soul to attempt using this toy. You feel each and every one of those ridges as you work this inside your ass. No doubt about that. I mean, I liked that I could feel it, but if the ridges were slightly less pronounced I feel this would have a wider appeal and probably get more use from me in the future. Plus I would love if the smooth neck was a bit longer as well. I like to thrust my anal toys, as if I’m being fucked in the ass. Static use anal toys are better suited for butt plugs in my opinion. Something more as a warm up or decoration.


Did I like the Tantus Dipper sold at FunLove.com? Yes, I did. The great medical grade silicone is firm and yet easy to clean. You can boil it or put it in a 10% bleach solution if you’re worried about bacteria. The pointed end makes it easy to find where you want to put it, but the ridges are challenging at best and painful at worst. Take some time and ease into this toy and you may find that you love it. I know I’ll be using it again even with the ridges. What can I say, I like a little bit of pain mixed with my pleasure.

Review: Fun Factory Ellove

Fun Factory makes some of my favorite products around. I am absolutely in love with my Magnum dildo. Their products are simply in a league of their own when it comes to quality. Much like German-made BMWs are quality automobiles (the 650i is my favorite car), apparently German-made vibrators are similarly constructed.

The Fun Factory Ellove sold at Fascinations is a great vibrator for someone who love quality sex toys. Fascinations sells this vibrator in two colors – purple (like the picture) and a pale pink color. I received the purple color and I absolutely love it. It’s a deep, rich purple. Quite frankly, it reminds me of Barney the Dinosaur a bit. So I guess if you have a fetish for childrens’ entertainment characters you’ll be over the moon for this vibrator. That’s probably a little weird. Or a lot weird. To each his own though.

Okay, joking aside. Let’s start at the beginning. Fun Factory packaging is probably the best on the market. Seeing that Fun Factory toys are sold in just about every country that allows the sale of sex toys, the box has blurbs in several languages. The front of the box has a cut out so you can see the actual vibe in the clamshell inner packaging and the back of the box is a trifold held closed with tiny magnets.

The Ellove is a special vibe from Fun Factory known as a SmartVibe. The box indicates what makes this line special is that there is a “turbo booster” button that revs up the vibrations even higher than they go normally. The turbo booster button can be found on the bottom of the vibe by the up and down control buttons.

Turbo Booster button (bottom) and up and down controls (top)

What also sets the SmartVibes toys apart from other Fun Factory vibrators is the fact that they are ergonomically designed. The Ellove starts out with a slightly triangular head that has an angled flat surface. I suspect this is done for g-spot stimulation. I couldn’t really tell a difference when I used this, but it did seem to seek out my whole g-spot area rather than pinpoint it like other toys have done. The body of the vibrator then narrows slightly before widening out. It is at its widest point perhaps just slightly above the mid point of the whole vibrator.

I found the widest point to be a little girthy for easy thrusting. I’m more of a thruster when using a toy than I am girl who will insert a vibrator and let it sit there. While I like some size so that I can feel it, I don’t like overly girthy toys. The Ellove is probably easier to use for women who have a wider vaginal opening. Mine is fairly small and thus it’s harder to use thicker toys unless I’m really relaxed and warmed up first.

That being said, I really enjoyed the vibration patters the Ellove offers. To be honest I lost count of how many different vibration cycles and patters it has. There are several levels of straight vibration and then at least six that I could tell other vibration patterns. Most of them seemed to undulate. Working the controls to switch between patterns is fairly easy. Just press and hold the “+” sign on the base of the vibe and you will switch to the next pattern. To decrease the intensity of the vibrations use the “-” sign. The “-” also functions as the off button if you press and hold it for longer than you would if you wanted to switch between vibration patterns. I found the off button to be a little touchy and frequently had to hold it twice or three times to turn off the vibe. Throughout all of this you can  press the turbo booster button if you want a little extra power. You have to maintain pressure on it to keep the extra power.

The shaft of the vibrator is covered in silicone, making this an incredibly body safe toy to use. You can use this toy with water-based or higher end silicone lubricants such as Wet Synergy (my personal favorite.) The packaging for this toy also includes a sample sachet of Fun Factory’s Toy Fluid, a water based lubricant. This lube does include glycerin if you have sensitivities to that.

The Ellove takes four AAA batteries. The battery compartment can be accessed by slightly turning the end of the vibrator. They are inserted alternating end to end. I had a little trouble putting the cap back on and lining up the design right, but after a second or two got it on the right way. It’s difficult at first and intuitive the more you use it. The battery compartment has a little silicone gasket that prevents any water or other fluids from leaking into the batteries, making this toy waterproof. I wouldn’t keep it submerged for a long period of time, but it does stay usable if under water for a short period of time. To make it completely waterproof you have to line up the design on the cap perfectly with the body of the vibrator. Otherwise water can leak in.

Because there is no flared base on this vibrator, I do not suggest it for anal use. This is purely a vaginal and other exterior genital area toy. Do not insert this into your ass because it could possibly get lodged in there and require emergency medical attention to remove it.

To clean this toy, use warm water and an antibacterial soap. I suggest doing this before and after use because the silicone body of the vibrator tends to attract lint and other airborne particles. Prevent infection by always playing it safe. To prevent fuzzies from your towels from finding their way onto the silicone shaft, I recommend air drying. If any type of fluid does leak into the battery compartment, open it and let it air dry completely before using again.

The Fun Factory Ellove sold by Fascinations is overall a great introductory vibrator for someone new to sex toys. The quality of Fun Factory toys is unsurpassed. The shaft of this vibrator, designed to be ergonomic to the body, may be a bit girthy in sections for women with smaller vaginal openings. If you like thrusting your vibrator, this may not be the toy for you. The turbo boost button offers a quick extra little bit of power if you need a jolt of it to really get you to orgasm. This is a toy that you’ll have for quite some time if you love it.

Review: Celtic Wreath Nipple Jewelry by NippleCharms.com

At some point in my life, I plan to get my nipples pierced. I’ve already done the vertical clit hood piercing and absolutely love the look and feel of it. But nipples … I’ve heard those are painful. After all, there are too of them. I’ve always liked the look of nipple jewelry and my preferred and planned type of jewelry is barbells. Until then though, I’m using other types of jewelry to decorate my pretty little nipples.

Celtic Wreath Nipple Shield

The jewelry at Nipple Charms is a sexy, cute and non-painful option for those who interested in decorating their nipples without having something permanent done.  Everything they sell is beyond beautiful to look at, but my chosen item was the Celtic Wreath found under the Celtic Body Jewelry section. After all, I’m partly Irish. What better to decorate my pretty little Irish nipples than an Irish woven pattern?

These nipple shields are .925 sterling silver. This means they are quality pieces of jewelry that will last you a long time if you treat them right. Don’t bend them open or try to bend them closed too much. Maybe a little tightening will be okay, but don’t put too much pressure on them when doing so. I don’t think they’d break in half with a little bit of pressure, but don’t try to twist them. They’re actually pretty hard to do this anyways, since the metal is tough and fairly thick.

The opening at the bottom of the shield is approximately 1/2″ to 3/8″ wide. To put them on your nipples, make your nipples hard and pull them through the opening. You can squeeze the sides of the jewelry to grip your nipples a little. Like I said though, don’t squeeze too much. On top of risking breaking the actual shields, putting something too tight on your nipples will restrict blood flow to them and possible do damage that way.

These shields are a little over 3/4 inch wide. Here’s a size comparison to a quarter so you have some idea how big they are.

Celtic Wreath Nipple Shield next to a US quarter for size comparison

When I tried to put mine on, I had a bit of difficulty. Admittedly I have extremely small nipples. I’ve compared the size of my own nipples to pencil eraser tips. They’re awkwardly small and actually I think really cute. Tiny little nipples on 34C breasts. My nipples are also fairly soft and very infrequently are hard enough to have stuff say on them like this. Nipple Charm’s site suggests that people with smaller nipples may have luck using some Ardell eyelash glue to adhere them to nipples. Don’t use this product though if you’re allergic to latex as eyelash glue contains latex.

So what do my nipples look like with these on? Fine, I’ll toss my own personal pics into the mix here. Ah, who am I kidding? I love to show off!

My right nipple with the Celtic Wreath Nipple Shields

These are super adorable nipple decorations. I wish for two things: that my nipples were a little bigger to hold these shields on OR that these shields are a little smaller. For someone with average to large nipples, they are a great alternative to piercing your nipples if you want to wear jewelry. You can switch between lots of different designs and have no commitment. Given that they are .925 sterling silver, I don’t think you’ll have any fear of them interacting with your skin. I highly recommend Nipple Charms if you’re looking for some nipple jewelry without the commitment or pain of piercing!