The last couple of months I’ve been crazy busy. My life has been a huge whirlwind of activity. Between work, family and personal time, I feel like I’ve been running non stop since pretty much April. There have been slow moments, maybe a week or two at a time where I haven’t done anything significant, but generally speaking life has been pretty crazy.
The best part about it though? I really am enjoying my life. The more I think about it and the more I experience it I realize there are a lot of things about my life I really love. Sure there are things I wish I could improve, my job and my living situation for one thing, but in the grand scheme of things I’m doing pretty well. I have a steady job that pays for my bills and allows me the flexibility to do stuff at night and on the weekends when I want to. While my apartment may be small (and getting smaller every day it feels like!) it suits my needs and is cheap.
I think the best thing about my life right now is I know that I have friends that love me for me, not because of us being in a situation together. I went through a phase after law school where I was really depressed, mainly due to seeing all the supposed friends I thought I had made in law school disappear into the wind and avoid me. People I’d known for three years suddenly treated me like I didn’t exist. A girl that lived downstairs from me that I spent a significant amount of time with and I felt like was really good friends with me hasn’t texted, called, emailed or otherwise contacted me since August of 2011. I suppose some of the blame lays with me, not reaching out to her as well, but the fact that she simply vanished from my life tells me she never really wanted to be friends with me. A true friend will make time for someone even if they’re busy.
My friends now aren’t that way. I have friends all over the county, ones I’ve mainly connected with through kink events, Fetlife and my Twitter account that I consider better friends than any of the ones I ever made in law school. I have people I know I could count on in the event something terrible happened to me. When I tell them I’m depressed or need help, they jump up and come to my rescue, offering cuddle time, a shoulder, an ear and most importantly support. While we may not always be able to hang out, whether because of geography or simply busy schedules, but I know they’re there for me and I hope they know I’m there for them too.
It seems like every weekend I have something to do, whether it’s seeing friends, hanging out, going to events, or generally fucking around with booty calls. “Hey do you want to hang out?” is code for “I’m really horny and want to mess around” and I’m totally okay with that. When I think about it, it makes me feel like a total whore, but I actually went back and counted. I’ve slept with six different guys this year alone. The best part is that the year’s not even over yet!
In 2010 when I went on my chastity bender, I promised myself I’d only break it for having a connection with someone. 2011 was a completely dry year for me, apart from SINSations in Leather and the bondage play I did there. I learned a lot about myself in that year and learned that I shouldn’t ever have to settle for less than what I’m worth. 2012 has been a year of putting that belief into practice. So far I think I’ve done a pretty good job. There are few things I did in 2010 I wish I hadn’t done, things I might even go so far as saying I regret doing. While 2012 so far as been on par with the craziness of 2010, there’s been nothing so far that I regret. I’ve enjoyed everything I’ve done and have managed to grow in the process. Sure, there’s been some negative moments and been involved with some people who have brought me down, but thankfully I’ve learned that those are people I can and should remove from my life as soon as I realize they are huge balls of negativity. There’s been a lot of growth for me in the last couple of years, growth that was long overdue and much needed.
I don’t always stop and write down every awesome thing that goes on in my life, something I’ve been meaning to do for awhile. I want to document these things so that I can remember them and come back in 10, 20 or 30 years and see my crazy life I had when I was in my 20s.
Right now though? It’s a good life. It’s my life. I’m going to enjoy it – every last little bit of it.